Single- What Women Do Before Each First Date

By:  Jessica and The First 10 Minutes Team


You think about what you’re going to wear all week.  You talk to your friends about the outfit.  You may even go shopping for a new one.  You try it on and look at it from each angle.  You search for the perfect accessories.  You then switch a time or seven until it’s just right, right?  Not likely, but this is not so out of the norm for women.

The hope here is to give you some insight into the internal and external process that women do before their first dates so that you have some ideas about ways that we are similar and also very different in the way that we perceive and therefore prepare for a big night.

T Minus 5 days:

At this point, she’s likely had phone contact with you (giving a minimum of 5 days notice will improve the possibility that she’s free) and hopefully, you’ve given her a sense of what kind of place you’re taking her to so that she knows what to wear and bring.  Surprises are always fun, but a general sense of indoor/ outdoor, casual or formal, passive or active are important generalizations to include.  She’s thinking about what to wear to entice you and put her best foot forward.  If she doesn’t have something in her closet that’s appealing to her, she may even try to buy something new (or at least go over in her head a few times what would work).  Depending on how she perceives you (as a potential partner, hookup possibility or friend material) will shape what she wears and how much time she spends preparing for the date.

T Minus 2 days:

She is thinking about personal grooming and her body.  She may try to hit up the gym or be a bit more conscientious about her diet.  She is scanning to see if she needs to pluck a few hairs or maybe get waxed.  Again, if she thinks that there’s a possibility for a sexual encounter, she’s making some preparations like birth control options and privacy and personal space.  If she’s really anticipating seeing you, she probably talked to her friends about you and her excitement about your date.

T minus 24 hours:

By this time, you’ve probably talked to her again (briefly as to allow the anticipation to build) to confirm the details of the date (this contact right beforehand demonstrates that you’re looking forward to seeing her and is a sign of good follow through).  If she’s an experienced dater, this may not be such an anxiety evoking event, but rather, another opportunity to meet someone new and to have a good time.  She may straighten up her house, make sure that she’s got some sexy panties to wear and ensure her schedule is cleared.

T minus 3 hours:

She’s likely been thinking about what your exchange is going to be like; envisioning the location, your conversation and how you’ll look.  Women may not be as visually oriented as men, but focus more upon how certain situations will feel and the emotions they’ll evoke.

She may be making some last minute preparations (like if she’s thinking you may come over to her house, she may want to clear certain embarrassing ointments out of her medicine cabinet or photos of her ex out of sight).  She may pick up some cash and may even tell someone where she’s going to be.  She may share these details not only out of her excitement, but because of safety.  While I’d like to think that most women wouldn’t get into a car of someone whom they don’t feel comfortable with, creeps exist and safety is eternally a factor we consider.  Giving her the option of meeting you somewhere is always preferred because it gives her a choice and doesn’t put her into the awkward situation of telling you that she doesn’t feel comfortable.

She’s probably been somewhat considerate of what she’s eaten that day so that she doesn’t feel bloated or reek of gnarly salsa.  She may even have a bit of a snack beforehand so that she doesn’t scarf during dinner or worry about getting low blood sugar levels if you aren’t planning on eating right away.

T minus 90 minutes:

She’s probably actively preparing to get ready at this point, if she’s not meeting you directly from another location.  Beyond taking a shower (making sure there aren’t any mystery hairy patches), putting on just the right amount of makeup (to highlight her features, not evoke porn star images…then again, maybe this is what she’s going for?), putting on that outfit that shows off “just enough” leg or cleavage, she’s also setting the mood, maybe with music or a glass of wine to chill her nerves a bit.

T minus 30 minutes:

She’s aware of the clock to ensure she’s ready in time and that you show up on time…punctuality counts.  She’s checking her purse to make sure she’s got the essentials like cash, gum, her credit card, lipstick and her phone.  She’s checking her outfit one more time and making any last minute changes to her hair or her accessories.  She may ask for a feedback from a friend or second guess some of her choices, but hopefully, she’s feeling assured, because this is when she’s the most radiant and attractive.  When you arrive (or when she meets you), she wants to be sure that she’s looking and feeling energized and beautiful, excited and sexy.

According to where she’s at on the spectrum of the comfort———anxiety scale, she may prepare to a greater or lesser degree, have more fun and less fear about what will transpire between the two of you.  Whatever the case, know that women go through a similar thought and process about how they will be received and perceived and want to ensure that they are seen in the best light possible.  Though the particulars about what you’re concerned with are different, the process is often parallel and the remedy to anxiety is the same…

Breathe and have fun, it’s not that serious.