Warning: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable in /home/thefirst10minute/public_html/wp-content/plugins/q-and-a/inc/functions.php on line 252
Definition and Explanation
By: Jessica and the First 10 Minutes Team
So You Wanna Pick Up Women, eh?
I’ll have you know that for as many of my sisters out there who may criticize me on the surface for my part in training men about this, there are far more who will thank me profusely for helping men to do it with class. EVERY single one of my friends and clients alike have a horror story about some botched pickup. It’s like the train crash that leaves a yard sale of embarrassing wreckage, but we all share them with giggles and a twinge of empathy for the poor guy who had no clue. Then there are the stories where we defend our sisterhood from the ass who uses false bravado to lure and manipulate women. Out come the talons. There are plenty of sites and plenty of self-proclaimed (they’re always self-proclaimed) pick up artists who will charge loads of money to teach the techniques that work “every time”.
Many will use psychological techniques and skills that have been used in the realm of mind control and mental manipulation for centuries. They have been well studied and can be effective to entice and seduce. This strategy may indeed improve your numbers and ability to fool the average bar fly about how dynamic you are. Then you try to have a real conversation or a real relationship and then you’re screwed. You’ve played the only card trick you have and now you’ve been found out. Your smoke and mirror, dog and pony show is up and your façade is exposed. I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than for others to know that I’m false and fake. Can you say stuffing your bra? What really underlies this tendency is the fear that exposing your true self isn’t good enough to get a woman (or the job or the deal…insert circumstance here).
We’re about to teach you something much broader and applicable in all areas of your life. This isn’t the quick fix or the dating Viagra that many offer. In fact, it involves some more in depth look at how your thoughts, beliefs and emotions play a role in getting what you’re getting and how to use that to your advantage. We want to make sure that you have the skills to support the erection that you’re bragging about.
I’ve compiled research from over 10 years of working as a relationship therapist and life coach, but more importantly, I have my own experience and that of my friends to draw on. I have told my girlfriends about my mission and contributions to this project and they unanimously say, “Thank you.” They thank me for my desire to offer insight into what women are really thinking so that men can see how we’re really not that scary nor are our experiences that different. They thank me for offering wisdom about how women react to men’s advances so that they can develop some tact, class and sophistication on their approach. They thank me for believing that men have the capacity to learn and grow (many of them have given up) and for my passion of teaching people how to love themselves (and hence love each other) more. So, I’m not here to sell my sisters down the river. Quite the contrary, I’m here to offer you my insight with the hope of giving you awareness about yourself and your desire to connect with the softer of the species.
Where Did You Go Wrong?
That’s what I keep asking myself too…what made this business of hooking up so damn complicated? For one, I think that the growing expectations we place upon relationships wind up burdening them to unsustainable levels. We are fed this BS about finding a single person who will be your best friend, unconditional confidant, tantric lover, financial supporter and spiritual inspiration now and for eternity. No wonder the divorce rate is sky high and we sabotage ourselves out of great relationships. I’m not here to say that people should stay in rotten situations, however, I do think that we can be more considerate of our intentions upon entering relationships and use caution about not straining them with expectations that only you can fulfill.
Top this off with the horrific levels of self-esteem I see today. Mega-marketing strategists that will have you believe that you have no worth or value without their product; that you are only successful to the extent that you have the bank account or the wall plaques to demonstrate it. You add onto it that there are few resources (why do you think this project got my attention?) out there to teach men how to bring the class and integrity that women are begging for.
One of the best things about this is that your male counterparts don’t have a clue. Seriously, so many of my friends wind up pining after the same guy because he’s the only one of the group who stands out with decency, respect and a bit of knowledge about women. These are not necessarily the most attractive looking men or the guys with the most game. However, they know their strengths and they are confident in their skin…the best cologne of all.
Where Do You Start?
We will give you lots of ideas and tips about what to remove from your current approach and thoughts about what could work better. Nothing is going to prepare you more to get past your fears than to simply jump into the ring. There are dating coaches who will instruct their clients to walk around in public wearing nothing but a speedo and a dildo on their heads just to de-sensitize them about public attention and rejection. Though I don’t think that this radical (but hilarious) act is necessary to cure your anxieties, I will say that learning not to take this whole thing too seriously is in your best interest. Learn to laugh with yourself and know that no woman has the power to make you feel anything that you don’t already feel about yourself. Once you see that you’re at the helm here, you can make a different choice…I’m here to support that.
I’ll give you some insight about what my friends have told me to tell you on their behalf about what works and what doesn’t. They are excited at the notion that more men can develop the confidence and the character that make their toes curl. They are tickled at the thought of their friends finding quality guys that deserve the company of such amazing women. You’re in the right place at the right time with the right guides. We’re here to have fun right along with you…enjoy the ride.