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Single- Approach

Section 3- Choosing Wise Wingmen (or Women)

By:  Jessica and the First 10 Minutes Team


It’s Saturday night and you’re wondering who to bring with you on the night’s quest.  You probably do what most do and roll with the same group you always do; after all, they’re your best friends and you do most things together.  Let me share with you the importance of making wise choices in who you bring with you when you go to meet women…the people you’re with say a lot about you.  As women, we pay close attention to the company you keep.  We’re all social scientists to a certain degree and women are hard wired to take special interest in creating and maintaining social structure.  Here are some thoughts about your social circle and how to maximize your options when meeting women.

Let’s classify your friends in a few different categories and the costs and benefits associated with each:


Single Friends

Why it’s a good idea to roll with them:

*They’re looking for the same thing as you.
*Their schedules are more open and they’re likely to be open to going to different places.
*They want to engage with other single people; this is especially good if you meet a group of single women.
*They may teach you some new skills.


Why you may want to choose carefully:

*They’re looking for the same thing as you.
*They may be competitive and “cock block” you if they’re insecure.
*They may still be single for a reason (translation: you don’t want to necessarily associate yourself or use the same techniques as someone who struggles in this department).


Bottom Line:  You want to choose guys who have similar interests, similar or higher levels of social skills than you, who respect you and will have your back if you need support.  Consider your current circle of friends and evaluate whether they uphold the kind of maturity and class that you want to bring to the table.


Friends in Relationships

Why it’s a good idea to roll with them:

*They’re not looking for the same thing as you; no competition.
*They may know a thing or two about how to meet and keep a woman.
*They may be less threatening to a single woman than a group of single men.


Why you may want to choose carefully:

*They are taken and not able to hook up with a group of single women.
*They may not be interested in going to the same places (or staying out as late).


Bottom Line:  Friends in relationships are not jockey-ing for the same pool of women.  They often exude a sense of confidence and security that women find appealing.  In fact, my guy friend gets more attention now that he’s taken than when he was single. You can learn from this and even pretend that you too have the confidence and comfort that you would if you were in a relationship.   If they know what you’re looking for, your taken buddies can use their flirtation skills to port women in your direction.  They can be especially great in circumstances where you are in laid back, social settings such as BBQ’s, dinner parties or house parties.


Wing Women

Why it’s a good idea to roll with them:

*They can scope out women without being threatening.
*It shows women that you have the ability to have women as friends and don’t have to sexualize all your female relationships.
*If you have women around you, it demonstrates that other females find your company appealing and they’ll be drawn to see what this woman sees in you.


Why you may want to choose carefully:

*It could look like you’re taken if you don’t maintain a friend-like demeanor with her.
*If she is insecure or catty, she may wind up repelling your prospects.
*May not be as easy to break off on a solo flight if you wind up wanting to end the night with someone you met.


Bottom Line:  If you befriend a woman with similar qualities that you’re looking for, your friend may be able to lure in a prospect in a non-threatening manner and give you honest feedback in a way that your guy friends may not see.  Women are cute, sexy and flirtatious…we are the softer of the species and can break the ice in a sensitive and seductive way.


All of this is to say that there are no hard rules in making your choices, as there are benefits to each option.  More importantly than anything, having honest and respectful relationships with those you surround yourself with will ensure that they keep your best interests in mind.  They want you to be happy, they can make your outings more enjoyable and they can make you look good.  The converse of this is true with those who may be insecure, desperate or jealous, so if like attracts like, what may this say about you?  We look at the entire picture and your friends are a large influence on your life.  Choosing the people that genuinely care about your wellbeing will guarantee that regardless of whether you meet someone, you will have a great time.


At this point, I would like for you to watch the videos entitled:

–       Watch Identifying What you really want

–       Watch Why You’re Not Getting What you want

–       Watch Scary approaches, What Not to Do