Predicting Bachelorette Emily’s Likely Choice

…based on the First Date(s).

by Christian Hellmers and TheFirst10Minutes.com Team

NOTE from The First 10 Minutes Team…

First of all let me say that it’s tough to approach a woman under any circumstance, let alone on national tv in front of the world after already knowing something about your date. We’re here to provide observations to enhance awareness for all men to elevate them to appreciate connecting deeper with a woman. We define masculinity similar to David Deida, in that it is the observer, the watcher, the unwavering consciousness that holds the space for the light and love of the feminine. It isn’t simply strength, but more like the banks of a river holding its flow. Our observations come from the heart and mind, not to poke fun but rather to draw awareness for the best way to connect.

Top 3 Probabilities/Standings (after week 8)

1) Arie 80% chance

2) Jef 20% chance

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Points on week 8

Notion of saying I LOVE YOU for a man is such a big deal and here’s why…
We view it as an absolute. We also look at it as if we waver and hurt a woman, it forces us to exercise emotional muscles we rarely work out. Since we aren’t trained to deal with emotions, it’s a different kind of scary. A scary that makes us believe we are not “men”. Some men can run into a burning house to save a dog but find that easier than committing to emotion challenge and surrender. We also need enough time to believe we are certain in many cases to feel secure with that kind of risk. So it is a great marker or test for a woman to zoom in on to gauge the depth of a man’s commitment. If he stutters or hesitates, then he’s not mature enough for handling all the chaos of most women’s emotional journeys.

Sean
This is what cost Sean his lady. I didn’t anticipate him to hold back this long and to be calm about his feelings. The fact that his sister alluded to his past challenges is also a risk for Emily. That’s a testimonial that sheds serious light on his inexperience in being fully expressed. The fact that he is honest about his ex and how we “wasn’t in love with her” but “loved her” screams dangerous considering how long they dated. He’s playing poker with her heart and waiting to go all in at the right time. Had the show been a 60 day journey, I feel that he would have opened up far more. But he’s wise to honor his own emotional pace based on his needs and prior wounding. The fact that he “forgot what he was going to say” at a huge emotional moment to prove his heart is open to hers demonstrates that something’s off. Couple that with a lack of opening up after that mistake, shows he’s limited in his heart space. A truly amazing man can be too perfect on the outside compensating for something on the inside. This is why men in the late 20’s typically need to reach 30 until they’ve exercised enough emotional communication. It takes experience to understand our emotions and it takes certainty to act on them, or so we’ve been trained and cultured to believe. Emily is also coming from the perspective of seeking a father and a lover. Sean fits well into the father figure archetype (as evidenced by the letter he wrote) but he’s unwilling to put himself out there aggressively with his touch and game. By not taking enough risks to be physically or emotionally out there relative to the other men, Sean became a liability. He also hesitated around her direct question about marriage. I’m still surprised that he wasn’t taken to the final two. But Emily has a masculine presence to her since she’s been in mom mode and playing the part of dad too so it’s more challenging for her to be with a truly masculine man. That also might have contributed to her decision. It would require some time for her to transition into her deepest feminine again. But even though that’s what her heart may deeply desire, the journey to get there might be too much work at this stage after this many years. She might prefer an easier partnership to one that suits her heart’s deepest desires that is stapled to more risk. Regardless of her decision, Sean handled himself first class all the way throughout this process, from being an honorable man to not choosing to punish her for her decision. He is truly evolving at a great pace and is a great example for all men.

Jef
Jef is agreeable and falls in to Helen Fisher’s archetype of the Negotiator. Emily falls more into the role of either a Builder, Director, or Negotiator. It’s hard for me to tell. But the key for her with Jef is that she has more control in the relationship. Perhaps her wounding and fears of abandonment by a lover run deep. Jef is by far the most trustworthy of the group. He stands for everything that she seeks in a safe lover. By far he’s the safest man for her to trust with her heart. Is he father material? He has experience dating other women with children so despite only being 27 and looking 25, Emily might feel safer with that approach after a tumultuous relationship with Brad. At the end of the day, Jef is a solid young man whose conservative nature will likely end him 2nd place. By Emily stating that she has more self confidence with him is fascinating. That is linked to being safe with who she is. Will that keep her fully expressed and in love for the long term? I would say there’s a decent chance but self confidence comes from within. I would say that it’s slightly dangerous for her to build a relationship without self confidence already at its peak. Relying on a partner to create the space is risky. It might not appear to be risky to the ego at first, but self confidence is cannot be based on anyone. Co-committed relationships according to “Conscious Loving” far outweigh co-dependent relationships for a deeper love. The fact that she doesn’t joke and tell Jef, “Hey I wanted to turn him[you] down” shows that she’s holding back in some ways. But then again we don’t know if the producers edited that piece out of the show to keep us guessing! But she likes how he is not all about getting it on. This is a huge contrast to Arie who she is infatuated with, physically.

Arie
Arie continues to play both sides of lover and father well. The fact that he directed the conversation on the most important part of her life, her daughter, is a true testament to his focus as a leader in the family. The fact that he’s also inquisitive and in a mindset of co-creation indicates flexibility that will make life easy and fulfilling for her. His approach to become friends with Ricki first speaks volumes about his awareness. Ready for fatherhood he is. Whether or not his lifestyle is ideal for fatherhood is a different question but the fact that Ricki’s biological father was a racecar driver makes the story even more beautiful for everyone. In the end, I think that Emily enjoys that connection to racing to inspire her daughter to know more about her biological father. Emily also can’t quite keep her hands off him which shows he’s got it all. In comparison to Jef, Arie is the best of both worlds where Jef might come across as a bit green in all departments. The spice that Arie brings is far greater than I imagined and he’s adjusted to her every emotion throughout the process. He took responsiblity for not steeping up against Kalon’s words even though he didn’t need to at all. This showed he can handle her chaos. Sean was too manly and Arie is just the perfect balance of masculine and feminine. He appears the winner.

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Points on week 7

Sean
* builds great physical chemistry with her
* patient and yet still assertive
* humble and wise with his word choices
* forward thinking and wears the knight in shining armor archetype well

Jef
* plays almost the younger brother archetype to perfection
* the two of them could easily be together and live well, however, his world might transform at 30
* rolling in a skateboard is indicative of his playful non-serious reality
* he’s easier to send home as he’ll “understand”, plus she’s not emotionally moved by his pursuit for her
* his lack of assertive behavior, intensity, and masculinity will catch up with him UNLESS he turns it on in a major way
* he dips into his lovey dubby feminine awstruck self too often whereas Sean claims both lover and fighter roles

Arie
* almost blew it by not opening up
* the fact that Emily didn’t flat our ask him shows she doesn’t trust him or herself to be vulnerable
* this leaves a mark that will likely disqualify him if anything else goes sideways during hometowns
* the fact that he wasn’t 100% forthcoming shows that he will hide other things unless she asks (not ideal for a father)
* even though many will argue this was his business, it still relegates him from a great man to a good man and Sean is safer

Chris
* temper killed his chances
* despite asking for forgiveness it’s too risky for her with a daughter
* much respect for owning his mistakes

Jon
* too serious about his sensitivity
* his issues go deeper, why would a woman leave him like that or better question, how could he not see that coming?
* he appears to be comfortable with his stony self and could be best served by an even more feminine woman than Emily
* shows he has an emotional side but it’s a bit of a victim role that won’t last him long unless the other person prefers to reside in anger or sadness
* notice that after he pours his heart out, Emily doesn’t appear closer to him in a physical way. She still doesn’t fully trust him because he comes across as intense and ready to snap
* hard to see his serious nature bringing out the best of her femininity which is why he likely went home

Doug
* showed he was a good guy who is wounded and who is beginning to step into his true power
* but is he ready for fatherhood- clearly not based on his answer to her direct question
* much respect for him to unraveling his truth but his willingness to deflect his greatness is surely a sign of weakness in the long term
* safe to say that he needs a softer, slower relationship to live in his fullest power
* he will become more comfortable with partnership and physical touch once he’s exercised his emotions more often with women
* his inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of- his next relationship will give his heart the courage to trust failure and imperfection
* it’s hard to read if his truest happiness is with a more masculine woman or feminine woman, he’s fairly well balanced which is rare

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Points on week 6

Sean pulls away, but Jef and Arie still have a shot.

Travis
* great dancing
* good body movement
* shows her that she is in alignment with his type
* vulnerable in the right way
* radically honest
* genuine
* brings light not darkness through brute force
* but showed he is friend material only
* his smile warms her heart
* perfect example of nice guys finishing last
* she’s more decisive
* she’s not crying at all which shows she’s stronger

Sean
* flat out calm, cool, and collected.
* clearly first class by his mannerism, presence, attentive way

Arie
* apologized which shows that she broke him
* she now has too much of an upper hand.

Jef
* people write novels about “something could be good about us”
* “why did it take you so long to kiss of me” is going to hurt him later since she will question his instincts
* by stating he was scared of death to kiss her, it hurts his masculinity even if it is true.

Chris
* showed that he was brave
* he was fearless and owned that he wasn’t afraid of not looking good
* his attitude was impressive
* “I’m going to fall in love with you forever” is a bit intimidating
* age is still his biggest obstacle
* handsome kinda sweet but in a left brain way
* his fearless desire to be with her forever is heroic in some way, but it’s still naive

Ryan
* his self indulgence caught up with him
* his trophy wife comment is indicative of his boyish inner truth…he doesn’t want a wife who talks back.
* by mentioning he misses the “mean/bad side” of himself shows he’s not ready for a high caliber woman. He’d rather chase.
* he treats her like a piece of property.
* his list is all about him which made the decision easy for her.

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Points on week 5…

* Ryan gained a notch again by showing a more sensitive side. Their chemistry is awesome but his true colors will come out as she gets closer with other men.

* Jef earned major points by kissing her and demonstrating that he is masculine but just slow moving. He’s a true genuine man that would be great for her despite his boyish ways.

* Arie lost some points because he refused to act extra masculine during times of crisis by Emily’s definition. He must show that he is willing to walk away for his principles or else she’ll dismiss him. All he had to do was challenge her more on why he needed to be confrontational with Kalon and it would have been fine. But he retreated a bit. When he chose to take a non violent communication approach, that was brilliant. You can see that Doug took the confrontational approach and he barely got praised for it. She’s just a bit on edge about this whole thing. At some point, Arie must take a stand.

* Kalon showed his true colors with his words.

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Points on week 4…

* Ryan has officially crashed and burned. By toasting to his “trophy wife” and choosing to joke over acknowledging her greatness based on looks alone, Ryan shows he’s still wants to be with the fellas. He’s not ready for fatherhood. That lack of social awareness destroys connections. It makes women cringe like nails on a chalkboard. Lacking social awareness is far greater of importance, than good looks, an impressive resume working with children, and a strong sense of protection. Ryan will trigger her to feel unsafe in social situations with her friends and family. Men constantly overlook this for something as trivial as a laugh or deflection in a moment. Big demonstration of living life purely for one’s self alone. His definitely has charm. You can see in the private 1 on 1 time that he was poking fun and teasing her in an arousing manner, but he keeps crossing the line. By continuing to laugh at his remarks about her future weight, he’s taking her out of her comfort/safety zone. To top it off, he scolds her for kissing Arie. A huge no-no. She said it best about him knowing what he signed up for. If the tables were reversed, he would be doing the same thing. This makes me wonder how trustworthy he is on his own. To also try to guilt trip because other “young women are watching you can create an impact for other women based on the way you treat the other men” was absurd. That kind of trickery is duplicitous. This is why it’s so vital that women listen to every word a man says for clues about their subconscious. It’s another huge reason for men to shut the f up unless they are honoring the feminine under challenging circumstances. Ryan’s cocky, smug, indifferent attitude will capture the attention of a woman, but it’s not what will keep her seeking a meaningful relationship with him. He’s treating Emily as a trophy or a prize. This is more of a competition than anything. I sensed that he might have anger issues based on their first date but I was off, it’s control and ego that get in the way of his greatness. The fact that he envisioned a spot as the next “Bachelor” is embarrassing. His intentions are clearly off. The remark about her having potential is also immature. The more I hear him speak, the more I’m lost for words.

* Arie’s 1 on 1 time was decent. He is a bit selfish with his physical outreach and lack of communication about her needs. But you never know what the producers leave out to keep the suspense going. If you watch the date carefully, Emily isn’t really in the mood to start making out and says “Be Patient.” That’s as direct as it gets. Cool your jets for now since you already made out with me in front of the other men is what she’s trying to say. If he doesn’t respect the fact that she’s in a pseudo relationship with a dozen other men, that will come across as less aware and social savvy. Women are bombarded with physical sexual interest by all men on a daily basis and it’s this “patience” that shows that a man isn’t solely about the physical. Everything is being broadcasted on national television as well so that heightens the importance of his decisions about when to make out and when to not. Women typically enjoy more connection through eye contact and emotional empathy before getting physical. It seemed a bit rushed to be as aggressive at this time and now he must show her his diversity in making her feel safe physically, emotionally, and socially. Before the rose ceremony, he asks her how she feels about him. That’s not the key question to ask a woman in that situation. It evokes a weak sense of security. He is seeking validation after he already made out with her earlier that week. He’s becoming a tad needy.

* Doug scored below average on his date- he still seems wound up inside emotionally. Lots of tension resides in him. He doesn’t appear to be as thrilled about being a father as Emily is a mother. Perhaps there is a bit of regret for having to “put his lifeIt isn’t a far gone conclusion to expect him to crack under pressure from the situation or from the other men. He already blew up at Kalon once, who is next. Plus the fact that he was ultra nervous before the date (for no reason at all) is a sign that he’s not ready for his greatness with her. Furthermore, he doesn’t exude joyful energy matching Emily’s frequency. By leaving it awkward at the end of dinner (take a look at her expression), we see that he lacks the masculinity to unravel her femininity to its fullest. The fact that she’s a single mother has kept her playing both the masculine and the feminine for too long. She’s ready to be with a masculine being and he’s still working out his resent towards his biological father. Not making the first move (shows a lack of boldness, which shows a lack of masculinity) pretty much sealed his fate, unless he can completely open up in the next 2 weeks. Unlikely in my humble opinion. Lastly, talking about himself in 3rd person is also awkward and unusual for mature men.

* Charlie kinda comes across as a bit of downer type. After losing the race, his remarks show that he takes things hard. That attitude is consistent with his fear of doing the stand-up comedy. It’s going to be tough for him to make her feel absolutely safe.

* Jef’s date was decent. He opened his heart up spontaneously and she connected with it. Clearly she seeks more but she hasn’t given him the 1 on 1 time yet. He’s a slow mover but it appears more genuine than most of the men. When you compare his decision not to kiss Emily during the beach date, it’s a smart move. Jef wants to go on a date with her before he smacks lips. Perfectly understandable. If he were to kiss her tonight, he gains nothing. Now when the time comes to date her privately, he better step up or else it will be a huge demonstration of a lack of masculinity. But I’m confident he will make the move and give her more eye contact and appropriate physical touch. So far he doesn’t feel safe yet and he was reassured when they mentioned the word. If he seizes the moment, his experience dating a woman with children will become extra valuable later on.

* Sean showed another solid performance. Asking a question about her daughter’s feelings about a marriage proposal is outstanding awareness. Sean is ultra tuned into the big picture. He’s patient. Without spending 1 on 1 time with her, he has built just as strong a connection with her as any man. His move to kiss was all class.

* Notice that Jon helped her up the rock when they got off the boat. Those little things matter. Nate did not. His comments were giving her an easy way to dismiss him “…I don’t have to float in the middle of the pack…” referring to his thoughts on the 2 on 1 date. He didn’t make soft eye contact during harder talks neither did Nate. But Nate showed he can be vulnerable which is awesome for her to trust him later to be honest. The downside with Nate was that he didn’t share more about him when she clearly wanted to know his mission or passions. By not stating them, he comes across as uncertain which is dangerous for a woman with a child seeking a father figure. That immaturity ended his time on the show. Immaturity isn’t a bad thing either, it’s just not what a mother seeks in a long term relationship. Jon’s confidence and relaxed manner earned him more time to share his truth. His biggest challenge is creating the space for playful flirtation and true romance. We shall see if he and her create that space for sparks.

* Chris is turning angry. By turning the focus on himself and his struggle through this process, he’s not demonstrating maturity or empathy. The communication approach to attack Doug is another demonstration of his immaturity. It is awesome to see him stand up for himself, but his style could be non-violent which would help to build a relationship with his “so called” adversary. Moving forward throughout the journey, he’s bound to create more confrontational exchanges based on this behavior. Plus he doesn’t know how to dance which hurts his chances for letting loose in the bedroom.

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Points on week 3…

My oh my how a man is only as good as the moment.

Sean moved way up the ranks, as did Arie.

Arie saw that she needed some help during her struggles to eliminate men and earned several kisses. Very smooth. The reason he got them is because he was one of the only men tuning fully into her during the moment.

Ryan’s stock plummeted with his comments on weight in front of the other women. HUGE blunder showing his future critical ways. That coupled with his remarks shows he’s the jealous type. That will be tough for her considering her desire to be somewhat independent as she steps more into her femininity.

Jef shared with Emily’s friends that he has experience dating women with kids. That alone is worth gold to her safety. He now is a legitimate contender but he still hasn’t opened up enough.

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Points on week 2…

We’ll be shocked if Emily doesn’t chose Ryan at the end, but the producers of the show might only show us this chemistry to mislead us. Keep in mind they didn’t show us any footage of him talking about his ex yet Emily referenced it. Ryan exudes many of the great qualities of an Evolved Man: confidence, empathy, situational awareness, social savvy, consideration, maturity, respect, humility, responsibility, gratitude. He is the pick of the liter but is Emily ready for serious love? She says she is but we’ll find out later on. Odds are she is because the nation is watching and that will help her come from her best self. Brad W. from last season was not a great match based on his reserved nature and inability to open up. But you can tell she is desperately seeking masculine energy as she is tired of playing that role. Ryan can open up about anything as evidenced by his fearlessness to state he desires a chase. He might be the best match for her but her wounding might run so deep that she ends up pushing him away due to self-sabotage issues. It’s her man to lose at this point. He’s making her chase him which is pure genius because it’s a great man’s truth to be wanted in addition to serving a lady.

Arie played it cool and made Emily feel nervous. That’s butterflies flapping their wings. He’s sitting pretty in 2nd place and might overtake Ryan on the final turn since he’s saving some for later. Emotional connections take time and the more gradual the momentum, the better. Ryan will be tough to catch but emotions are complex and emotional safety is not as obvious as it appears. Emily is not going through this to lose again and she will test the men in all sorts of ways as we approach the final turns.

Chris showed more masculinity to some degree by graciously accepting Emily’s compliments on his looks. I moved him up into the top group based on his short and sweet exchange. I still feel like he hasn’t challenged her enough yet to show that a true spark is present. He’s playing it too safe which will cost him in the end unless he starts taking risks to show that he’s not attached to her without understanding her emotionally. Emotional connections do take some time for both men and women to feel safe. Something about his energy comes across needy.

Jef still hasn’t taken charge yet to show her that he’s man enough. By coaching him to do more, Emily is playing her masculine role which isn’t her truest desired essence. “Does Jef speak English?” She shares this outloud to put pressure on him to step up. How embarrassing right? The fact that he’s drinking while talking to her is another tell that he’s needs alcohol for confidence. He has a hard time noticing her eye contact directed at him. She’s almost considering him as a brother. Jef showed little affectionate after her advice and remains in the friendzone.

Joe totally dropped the ball showcasing his lack of awareness by wearing a disastrous outfit. He’s gotta be aware that his enthusiasm will come across as collegiate. Keeping a balance is key if he actually chooses to connect with her heart. Otherwise, his lack of maturity will connect best with women in their early 20’s. Joe is so starstruck by her looks that he isn’t connecting on anything but his gratitude. Notice how she almost puts her hand on her neck to choke herself when asking about not knowing him. His choice to share that his plan is to “not plan” shows that he’s not ready for fatherhood. He didn’t respond well to knowing his mission in 5 years nor did he connect on having kids soon which is what she’s seeking. Therefore, he underestimates the gravity of these questions. He’s taking it too casually. He doesn’t even try to explain how his life fits with hers after she shares her concerns. The fact that he’s shocked is another demonstration of his lack of social awareness. He didn’t do anything wrong as she says but he’s not ready for this level of responsibility. It’s also interesting to see that he avoids hugging her when she’s upset upon the sad news. That shows he’s selfish when hurt, which is understandable, but not evolved.

Kalon is showing advanced symptoms of being a big kid. Challenging men who don’t like him already is begging for an altercation. At some point or another she will see this child play and dismiss him. The fact that his voice was trembling during one of his times with her shows that he’s clearly nervous about something. Women can smell a phony a mile away and Emily is going to sniff him out soon. Notice also how Emily adjusts her dress while speaking to him which can be a sign of seeking comfort because she’s uncomfortable. Kalon failed again to take her out of her masculine and into a new state of femininity. That means he’s still an outsider despite being the rich good looking young man who she could have dated had she not had a daughter. Kalon also states that he doesn’t normally date women his age which is another flag for her to raise later.

Tony is too serious and wound up. He comes across far too angry. The whole one on one chat with Emily was more of hearing than a loving chat. Tony kinda spoke over her words at times and made the talk about him and sharing his fatherhood. I think that was important but the delivery won’t earn him many style points from radiant women.

Points from the first week…

* Ryan is a clear standout and fits well based on masculine presence, profession (working with children), creativity, social awareness, and confidence. The only thing that could disqualify him is any anger management issues. It’s clear that some men hide this well and she has already expressed her concerns about anger from the past season. It appears that this is not an issue but I cannot deny my intuition for revealing it’s a possibility.

* Arie has a unique connection because he comes from the same sport as her daughter’s father, but that might be harder on her than she thinks. Nevertheless, he has a calm presence, owns his body language above par, and appears sensitive to meet her emotional needs.

* Charlie has a great physical visual masculine presence. He hasn’t shown that he can relate to her as a man’s man yet. Keep in mind Emily’s subconscious will be comparing all of the men as lovers, fathers, and friends. Since she has done parenting on her own for so long, the role of her partner as a father figure will be vital.

* Chris appears to be someone who will go far, BUT I don’t see him as a great fit for her because he’s not masculine enough. Chris or Doug could even go all the way to the end, get crushed, and become the next Bachelor. Kalon could go far as well but he won’t be trusted in the end to be her daughter’s father due to immaturity.

* Sean comes across as a kind sensitive man who is ultra sincere. I don’t know enough about him to be able to size him up fully but he appears capable of being a father and a man from first interactions.

* Nate is a wild card as we don’t know much other than he’s calm and cool.

* Alessandro is also a foreign gentleman which may win her over if he can embody a fatherly role. He faded away this week and did not step up his masculine role.

Masculine Scoring on Initial 30 Second Approach

Kyle

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* Well dressed, nice color choice

* Seems too into her looks alone

* Had a good strategy of making it short and sweet; no mistakes

Masculine Approach Score

B-

TIP- Be bold about something specifically beautiful inside her. This shows you are paying full attention.

Doug

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* well dressed, nice outfit

* grabs her hands to show he can take charge, good but he kinda overdid it

* hugged her like his grandmother and had eyes like deer in headlights which is scary

* looked a bit shellshocked, not really smiling, great eye contact upon leaving

* talked about his boy a bit too much, came across as desperate, but it was a safe topic to connect on at first

* more logical in forming his connection, less emotional which is critical to her feeling safe

* notice that she shook her head from side to side when she said “I’m so glad you’re here”

Masculine Approach Score

C+

Tip: Breath deep before approaching and pretend that you are in a time warp where life is happening much slower than it appears. This helps you breathe more getting more oxygen to the brain to reduce heart rate and anxiety.

Jackson

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance
* feminine color choice for shirts reduces his masculinity

* already skinny, he must recognize that his masculinity will be challenged

* he missed her hand upon first connecting

* too focused on his routine, overly rehearsed, not adapting to her

* kissed her hand immediately putting her on a pedestal and him beneath her

* great eye contact on walk

* compliments on her looks, too ordinary

* He states “Thank you so much” as if he doesn’t deserve to be there (he’s too taken back by her looks)

Masculine Approach Score
C-
Tip: Dress with darker colors if you know she will be looking gorgeous to avoid accidentally stealing attention. Attention is best directed on the feminine person to create balance.

Sean

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* youthful shirt, colors of high vibration, slightly feminine

* walks slow and side to side which is original and pleasant, stands out

* immediately smiles but too happy like a kid in a candy store

* hugs her fast but then almost treats her like a mother

* great eye contact all the way through

* “Emily, I’m Sean” was one of the best simple openers. Short and real. No BS.

* Voice cracked slightly at one point but smiling made him appear friendly and cool

* Slow hug and slow speech make him easy to feel safe with

* He played it safe and smart going first and showing he doesn’t need to impress

* Notice the high pitch in her voice and look back at his backside (she’s attracted)

* During his line “I’d like to get to know you a bit” his eye contact is authentic and real

* Emily also almost checks her teeth if she has lipstick on them to triple check she’s presentable; signifies interest

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Focus your intention laser-like to her needs. In this case, take this approach as if you are her hubby and the father of her child. Don’t take any woman’s needs lightly and over-practice if anything.

Jef

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* smart clever entrance all the way through

* it created an easy way to talk without the pressure of “what do i say first”

* smiling throughout, very unique hairstyle that will factor into her initial attraction

* she dug the way he smelled which is a great sign and allowed her to ignore the usual distractions (tapping into a different scent leaves a huge mark)

* slow walk which is original

* Jef ignores her remark about wanting to ride the skateboard and quickly jumps to a point about not falling to show he’s not cocky…very smooth to not be at her beck and call, just yet 😉

* notice how Jef is also so tuned in that he actually responds to her appreciation with a “your welcome”, many of the men struggle to hold an actual conversation

* he ends it by saying thanks twice which is a bit awkward because he appears rushed to leave, but it doesn’t disrupt his masculinity too much

* Emily tells him he looks great because he hasn’t gone crazy into his feminine, allowing her to be in her feminine flow of radiating love

* Later in the show (after the first 30 seconds), she says “He makes me feel like a nerd.” That signified Jef is not husband material if you ask us!

Masculine Approach Score

B+

Tip: Be aware of how you will be perceived. We are a product of the media’s repetitive images. If you could be considered goofy, balance it out by being serious at times. Always show diversity in yourself which illustrates awareness.

Arie

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* conservatively dressed and buttons up after getting out to show that she’s important

* a bit slow to approach her and pulls back before hugging, shows he’s not desperate

* doesn’t have much to say, keeps it simple, 2 compliments were quick and more spontaneous than others

* comes across as genuine and sincere

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Be sure to initiate physical contact in appropriate places, early on. Show her that you want her by risking rejection.

Charlie

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* walks slow, strong masculine presence with his body

* decent opener “You don’t expect me to do that.” shows that he’s tuned into the moment, not rehearsed.

* she grabs his hand and initiates the hug since he doesn’t appear needy or overly giddy

* she clearly wants more

* “Yes mam” is a bit awkward but shows he will treat her like a lady so it works well too

* Relates to her about not slipping and falling as a way to go into a safe zone before going deeper which is okay, kinda feminine

* Played it safe and didn’t make any mistakes but also didn’t differentiate himself much other than non-verbally

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Be polite but not too polite. If you come across as a butler or servant, you will be considered overly feminine by nature. Serve the feminine but don’t worship, at first.

Summary of First Date Performance

* Dressed casually and showed off his physique which was smart as he stands out with it

* Showed vulnerability early about his speech impediment if faced with performing. It can work against him to go that vulnerable that early, or it can serve him well as long as he shows he is emotionally able to hold space for her wide away of emotions. She described herself as the “Proud Momma” which jives well for him to stack up as a father figure for her daughter, but this role might not allow her to be a full feminine being because he might be too shy. From here on out, his biggest challenge will be to create a counter balance to be masculine and the take charge type.

Jean-Paul

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* well dressed in masculine colors

* voice was a bit muffled

* hesitates to hug which shows lack of emotional IQ or availability

* strange eye movements

* somewhat safer to say that he doesn’t know much about her, but it could also show he doesn’t do his homework

* poor choice of words “I look forward to talking with you” and no eye contact make it seem business-like

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Focus your eyes on her left eye. By choosing one eye it will keep you focused on her and not your words.

Joe

Summary of First Date Performance

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* super loud and opens by clapping which is awkward especially considering her usual calm demeanor (no NLP awareness)

* original guy which makes him stand out

* has a jester-like presence to him, walks like he’s doing aerobics, slightly immature in this context, borderline obnoxious

* “Alright”, “What do you say…excited” were both unusual phrases that indicate he’s confused about how to relate on a deep emotional level

* comes across as if he’s still in college or in a fraternity, but he’s spontaneous which is ultra attractive

* great spirit, but his big kid persona will be tough to translate into a mature responsible father figure for Emily’s daughter

Masculine Approach Score

C-

Tip: Be original but know your audience. Tune in to their sense of humor and their perspective. Ask a friend or trusted person for feedback if you get awkward looks. It’s all about context.

John

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* one of the best dressed, with gray and black masculine colors

* shared with Emily his nickname of the “Wolf” which hurts his fatherhood potential, no reason to tell her that at that point

* overly excited and interrupts her a bit

* he’ll ride his looks as long as they can take him, but perhaps he’s got more depth in a different context

Masculine Approach Score

B-

Tip: Watch your words. Be careful of what you say or share with women vs. with the fellas. Women pay close attention and use their intuition more than men.

Lerone

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* well dressed and comes across highly masculine

* kinda intense but sweet with his opener, albeit over the top as if he worships her without knowing her

* great tone of voice and speaks at a medium pace which is ultra attractive

* he declares that she’s everything he wants which is a no-no, immediately putting him beneath her before discovering their connection in reality

* Emily never got a chance to share much with him because he talked way too much, as if he’s already decided she’s his

* interrupted her to tell her how she is good for him coming across as too logical, not enough emotion or sharing

Masculine Approach Score

D+

Tip: Listen. Listen. Listen. Don’t think about what you want to say next. Play off the interaction and allow her to ask questions. Women care more about process than destination with words.

Kalon

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* over the top with his entrance creates a huge separation from her emotionally; it was more about him than her

* she doesn’t hug him, he also chooses to shake hands to keep his distance, indicating emotional unavailability

* Emily has her hands on her hips as if she’s scolding him for being so ridiculous with his entrance

* His eye contact and word choice of “I promise it’s worth the wait” triggers he to swing her shoulders which shows she’s forgiven him

* Great use of eye contact and tonality to create serious intense energy

* well dressed but overly showcasing his thin body inhibits his masculinity

* worst hugger and shows no connection beneath the upper chest signifying emotional challenges to get close

* comes across as a player type which will earn him her attention as all girls love bad boys until they get hurt enough

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Be yourself as if it were a Sunday morning. Don’t over extend yourself to impress. Humility is the most attractive force on earth.

Nate

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* outfit a bit feminine

* stiff armed hug shows less comfort in his body

* she reaches for his hands which is a plus

* she enjoys his smell which is a plus

* he’s aloof and keeps her wanting more which is masculine (not needing anything)

* she utters “He’s so cute” under her breath since so she’s attracted

* nothing fancy, but nothing needed since she was infatuated with him

Masculine Approach Score

B+

Tip: Relax your body when connecting. The more fluid you present yourself, the more attractive. By moving slow with your hands and arms, it maximizes safety.

Ryan

Summary of First Date Performance

* Well dressed in masculine dark colors and validated by Emily’s body language and compliments upon first look

* Emily played with her hair in the car showing she’s subconsciously attracted

* Smart dialogue owning his masculinity “Let me take this off so I can be a man.” Owning his manhood means sharing his feminine side for only so long before acknowledging his truth. By showing he can step into his feminine side, cooking or wearing an apron, he’s demonstrating fearlessness not cowardice. That’s vital to a woman if she is going to step outside her comfort zone and trust a man with her wounded heart.

* The date flowed well with no visible awkward moments. When she begin interviewing him with hard questions, he liked the challenge. He even raised the stakes of the game by stating his truest masculine need: freedom. By asking her to make him chase her, she backed up a bit but after a few minutes trusted him that this is healthy. There 30 second back and forth rapid flowing conversation that ended with her stating “I’ll give you a chase” is exactly what great relationships are made of! Playfulness and challenge allow both the masculine and feminine to be expressed. Notice how she softly challenged him in the house stating “You wanna run for the hills” and he didn’t even flinch. Women constantly attempt to disqualify men for good reason, to protect their hearts and offspring. His instant natural reaction was flawless to show that he’s really into her and not afraid of being her daughter’s father. He even challenged her on relinquishing control so that they could share responsibility if they were to make it. That is another ultra mature conversation that is best had early on to show her that he means business. She despesperately wants to know this so why make her wait to hear these words. After this date, I expect her to go much deeper into her feminine around him because she’ll feel safe to express her long lost girly side that has been locked up since taking on motherhood.

* “You’re the boss man” is the first thing she says to him before they drive out on the date. Ultra compatible with his overwhelming masculine presence. That is exactly what he wants and that fact that he doesn’t have to ask heightens his attraction.

* I like that he doesn’t go in for the kiss on the date. He made huge strides and there’s no need to get physical at this point. An Evolved Man knows when he’s ahead. Ryan knows she likes him and in order to meet her needs of being extra romantic, he must wait for a more intimate setting. By not rushing the physical, he demonstrates that he’s an Evolved patient man who seeks more than just romance. By listening to her motherhood whispers and realizing that her conservative reputation is on the line, he’s extra cool. He knows that everything that happens on air will be a story so that awareness and caution isn’t accidental. He knows.

* By not stealing the limelight away from her on the stage during the concert, he allows her to feel special. Surely he could exude more confidence by dancing by himself, but he knows that she’s on the shy side and that all of her fans are watching. There is no reason to do anything other than let her be in her moment. Brilliant display of mindfulness and masculinity.

* Emily states “He’s almost too perfect” after the date. She already compares him to Brad which isn’t completely fair. She’s trying to sabotage it. She knows he’s best but must question it. I believe it is very healthy for women to do this alone without the influence of other women who might want subconsciously want her to fail to join them in their single misery. So kudos to her for being skeptical even though she has no reason to doubt him yet. She knows she will have to be vulnerable at some point and she’s laying the groundwork for it. And the fact that she has been so stuck in her masculine, doesn’t help. She doesn’t know how to allow herself to feel sadness because as a single mom, it’s there’s no time in her mind. I’m not suggesting she needs to feel sadness on this date but she will must open her heart fully to every emotion if she’s going to serve Ryan’s masculine needs. She’s had to be serious for too long and sadness will likely only make her reflect on her past.

* Note Ryan better be careful of coming across as too cocky from here on out. He’s got way too much control of the relationship in my eyes so if he gets overconfident on dates or smug, he’ll turn her off in a heartbeat since she’s going to visualize that as his style of leadership in relationship. He’s the favorite and he probably knows this being a confident Evolved man. All he should do is focus on her and not get sucked into the manly competition.

* Ryan’s timing with the letter showed a bit of selfishness but that’s okay. It wasn’t the best move to share so much so fast, but it’s okay for him to be vulnerable because he doesn’t come across as that type. The fact that he stated he wanted a chase and then balanced it out with a 7 page heartfelt note, shows he’s addressing all of her concerns. As awkward as it was for her and him, women typically adore this type of attention and dedication. Now he has to counter balance it the other way to show that he’s not obsessed. Women also enjoy a chase.

* Clever move to undo the top button on his dress shirt during a more emotional moment to balance it out. Smart.

TIP: Avoid talking about ex’s ever! Even if they ask, tread lightly. It’s too much information early on and can create distractions for either men or women! Just save it for later. There’s plenty of time to talk about those private challenges that might surface again or trigger worry of not being good enough for the other.

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* Great balance of masculine and feminine energy

* Speaks slow and deep which is highly masculine

* Gives her a simple yet creative sign while pretending to be confused, simply awesome!

* Shows that he can be sweet and she tilts her head receiving his gift

* She ends the exchange by asking him to hold up the sign which is another indication of appreciation

* Conversation and banter is real and comfortable, nothing awkward about it which shows his security

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Be inquisitive. Challenge her softly at first, gently and playfully to create invisible tension. Women love to ride the roller-coaster of emotions, especially at first.

Michael

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* great eye contact out of limo

* masculine colors, well dressed

* long hair will likely trigger her to perceive him as sensitive which can help earn trust

* bringing her a gift is a great idea, the guitar pic is ordinary yet clever, not overly emotional which is good

* the name “Music Mike” is a bit childish and partially feminine which hurts his chances, it also implies she might forget his name which shows lack of confidence

* she’s grateful for his gift but might just put him in the friend zone as a “nice guy” slash younger brother

* he doesn’t make eye contact on the last hug so he was either nervous or shy, both hurt his chances

Masculine Approach Score

B-

Tip: End your exchanges with passionate looks or touch. Encourage her to visualize the depth of your intensity.

Stevie

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* poppy green shirt is a bit awkward and evokes less emotion, more playfulness, more youthfulness

* dancing routine puts him in his feminine as he lacks masculinity as his core way of being

* she will be intimidated since she doesn’t know how to dance, thus he must teach her which can be a good thing, but not about feminine expressions such as dance

* comes across more as an entertainer than a lover; he’s got a big mountain to climb to prove that he’s a man’s man to be a father and to make her feel safe as a professional entertainer

* dancing was goofy and silly which broke the ice well, but better to play this card after you have shown her your masculine side first

* no hugging upon his departure speaks volumes about his emotional immaturity and her lack of desire

* compliments her as he walks away, but it was too late to realize he wasn’t opening his full attention on her, rather turning it on himself as a way to get through the moment

Masculine Approach Score

C-

Tip: Leave her wanting more by not showing all your cards at once. Be selective about when you reveal what. Recognize context and when to showcase your appropriate skills.

Randy

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* grandma suit was clever yet incompatible with her conservative style, she’s looking for Clooney, Connery, or Bond, not Ace Ventura

* awesome outfit, great vest, masculine presence

* slightly nervous delivery after the costume came off, forgets to introduce himself which is “cute” but lacked masculinity

* genuine man but needed to show he had more seriousness as she’s evaluating him based on fatherhood ready skills

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Be bold but also recognize the context. Safety and social awareness must come before bold moves.

Travis

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* feminine colored shirt

* handshake before hug shows he’s a bit uncertain about his emotional availability

* you can tell he’s nervous, not surprising considering his choice of how to express his thoughts on connecting via carrying an egg to show his focus

* voice is high and quivering

* “I will take care of this egg like I will take care of you and Rickie” comment shows he’s far removed from social awareness and fatherhood (flour babies were carried in 7th grade)

* “Yeahhhh” in a high voice exposed too much femininity and will repel most women unless you make fun of yourself immediately after

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Listen to yourself on tape. Notice how loud or deep your voice sounds. Practice talking freely in high pressure situations to work out the kinks and to build endurance. Everyone gets nervous at some point.

Tony

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* light purple shirt is highly feminine

* carrying a slipper is highly overdramatic, awkward, and silly

* getting down on one knee without even interacting much is worship, not love

* had he chosen to joke about it, the concept might have worked but he actually believed he was a prince!

* turned the focus too much on himself rather than her

* Emily’s remarks about loving love and shoes puts him in the category of a gay friend or shoe salesmen

* she forgot his name indicating less interest in romance

Masculine Approach Score

D+

Tip: Be sure not to come across as a groupie. If you appear to be worshiping someone, they will doubt that you see the real them past their looks.

Brent

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* smart dresser

* went in for handshake and not hug, more business-like until she insisted

* quite reserved

* came across as more of her father since he offered to advise her on how to remember his name with a nametag, how awkward?

* conversation was ordinary, seemed more like a brother or father, no sexual tension

Masculine Approach Score

D+

Tip: Don’t go in for a handshake if you are seeking to be romantic with someone. It’s too ordinary and highly impersonal. Hug and hug often so that it’s natural for you.

Chris

Summary of First Date Performance

* Emily seems very comfortable around him but it’s fascinating to see how everything shifted 180 degrees when she found out his age. This is a classic example of how women seek to disqualify men, sometimes for good reason. Clearly he is green all the way around. But his sincerity and integrity might take him far.

* His polite manner and comforting ways during the climb were outstanding. He didn’t show off in any way.

* He hasn’t made a strong enough move yet to show that he’s a man versus a young man. Being the polite gentleman all the way through, without taking any risks, will get you the bronze.

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* immediately goes into spiritual connection which is intense but truthful which can be good for con

* showed that he’s serious about life and that he’s there for a serious connection, but seems needy saying “I pray to God that you do [give me a chance]”

* comes across as if he needs help in being more masculine, asking his Dad about how to approach, kinda corny

* lacks social savvy to be able to free flow and to dance in the conversation

* added lots of pressure, too much talking without giving her a chance to share

* sweet guy but too socially awkward for her to take him seriously

* the dolls could have backfired completely, but he pulled it off, but for how long…

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Use your imagination but focus on creating art, rather than an outcome upon early stage interactions. Women smell desperation a mile away. If you dip into the beauty of the moment without being attached to an outcome, there’s less flow.

David

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* nice outfit

* walked way too fast exuding nervous energy

* word choice was uncomfortable about challenging on “Who chose Charlotte?” when he knows who did

* made her back up which can create tension which is good but she’s too conservative to appreciate California play-hard-to-get games

* recovered soso by stating “I’m glad you are the Bachelorette” but he is referring to her as the Bachelorette and not a real person, losing out on emotional chemistry

* didn’t show any emotional attempts to connect which puts him in the ordinary camp

Masculine Approach Score

C+

Tip: Walk slow. Slow everything down. By slowing it all down, you get more into the true moment. Your routine will shift by slowing down time and your senses will become heightened.

Alessandro

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* timed the hug perfectly

* snappy dresser with messy hair is catchy and stands out

* kissing on the cheek is bold and masculine, 3 times was slightly much for a conservative woman, but he showed he wasn’t creepy

* great smiler and introduced to her a new language which shows he has value, awesome move

* positive vibes shows that he would be fun, but is he daddy material? hard to tell yet

* talked over her once and interrupted the flow but was sincere about it

Masculine Approach Score

B+

Tip: Observe the way your potential partner reacts to your touch. It might be jerky at first. Be selective about frequency and location. Always proceed with caution and build momentum.

Alejandro

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* masculine colors with a touch of feminine with earrings

* led with his accent which was smart and offered value about his culture

* showed experienced as he hugged her well after grabbing her hand

* switched to perfect English to show diversity and education

* comes across as a bit slick which might be too much for her conservative nature

* great eye contact and looks intense with deep emotional interest

* supported her with a smile after her broken Spanish attempt, instead of correcting her

* seems non-judgy and lots of fun for a night out, but perhaps too much fun for fatherhood

* great eye contact upon departure and she even makes a Yummmm-like sound

Masculine Approach Score

A-

Tip: Offer valuable knowledge. The more you can share based on your truth, the more reason for you to be together in her eyes.

Aaron

Summary of First 30 Seconds Performance

* kissing her hand is a bit much but his execution was solid

* smooth walk

* very serious which shows he can play the role of father

* might be too socially awkward for her friends; his rehearsed line is cheesy

* glasses were too intense and he was smart to take them off

* not smiling enough to make her feel truly connected

Masculine Approach Score

Tip: Rehearsed lines don’t work unless they come across as spontaneous. Be sure you realize that relevant spontaneity demonstrates social awareness which demonstrates that you can help her preserve relationships. Women are all about preserving relationships, thus you become an asset.

Predicting Bachelorette Emily’s Likely Choice Week 8

Predicting Bachelorette Emily’s Likely Choice

…based on the First Date(s).

Top 3 Probabilities/Standings (after week 8)

Masculine Scoring on Initial 30 Second Approach

Great job gentlemen for taking the risk to be on the show and to put yourself out there in the name of love!

Written by Test The First 10 Minutes Team

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