The First Week.
Why The First Week Matters…
- > By now, you’ve been on at least 1 date. Less is always more. If you choose to go on another date during the first week, make sure to cap it there. If it gets too hot too early, then probability points to the connection being strictly physical. You might be the one who seeks more than just physical and that’s why you are advised to take the sexual intensity down a notch. This way you can listen to yourself without all of the sexual adrenaline running through your bod. You have nothing to lose by slow playing the first week, even if you already made out on the first date. If you both enjoyed yourselves, then you would be advised to send a text thanking the other for the time without making it seem too significant. The more you seem overly grateful, the more you come off desperate. Just send an emoticon with a smiley face and the other person will get the memo. No need to double-down yet.
- > Pay close attention to the communication responses from your prospect. Are they getting back to you asap? If so, mirror their response within reason. Keep the momentum going. Don’t try to hold the upper hand to feel more in control. Balance out power so that it doesn’t even figure into the mix. If the other person isn’t responding in the same timely fashion as you desire, then softly suggest that the other get back to you sooner because you like to be chased. Hold your ground on what you deserve early but do it softly over text. It is very important that you call people out on their antics or else you will be treated this way throughout the ‘relationship’, if indeed it unfolds. Many people struggle with abandonment issues, in subtle ways that they would never admit outloud or to themselves, so stand up for your feelings even if you think this person could be ‘the one.’ You aren’t trying to win one hand, you are trying to share souls.
- >If you are a hot item, then you’re probably not dating one person. If your prospect is someone to write home about, then he or she is likely juggling other people too. That means that both of you must decide at what point do you wish to focus on one person. Give it time as you want the other person to end things because they want you more. The same goes for you! It isn’t necessary during the first week to disclose this, it’s assumed in many cases. But be smart about not lying either during this time frame. Women will hold men accountable to their word in most cases. Just tell the other person that you have plans and that you would like to see he or she as soon as you’re free next, if that is the truth. If the other person asks for more info, be honest without giving too much detail. If the person is prying, then they lack the social skills and explain that you are dating other people and prefer to keep that part of your life private until the time is right to share more detail in person. If you’re doing the ‘suspecting’, take it easy! After a few weeks of spending time together, then it is appropriate to ask for exclusivity according to most relationships. But to each their own!
- > Be aware that you must be on your best behavior and if you give the other person any reason to dislike you, they will! It happens time and time again so be on time, well dressed, flexible in your schedule, open to changes in venues, and positive about the opportunity to share time!
A sample of our suggested practices for The First Week…
- > Flirt it up in all sorts of childlike ways. Since neither of you really knows one another yet, play off that mystery and pretend to be whoever you want! Be the joker, be the seducer, be naughty, be nice, be curious. There are no rules during the first set of exchanges but if you don’t take any calculated risks early on, you will lead the other person to believe that your date was normal. Step it up regardless of your regular lifestyle. Love isn’t normal. People do the dumbest things while falling in love. Just listen to the stories from your friends about what they did early on and still made the grade! In order to get someone to open their heart, no doubt you gotta make them feel safe, but safety zones are meant to be challenged at a calibrated pace. If you’re still texting or talking after the first date, now is the time to introduce some bold energy into the mix. If you play it safe again and again, you will come across as a friend. Friends are there for safety, lovers are there for safety and danger!
- > Download emoticon apps on your phone and share silly expressions via texting. Since people rarely call one another any more, it is vital to get out of black and white text. Use slang and shortened poetic expressions that might crack a smile or a giggle. It isn’t about being cool as much as it’s about being creative. If you can introduce novelty into a person’s life, they will become even more intrigued in your way. It can be as simple as sending out a few colorful ‘namastes’ or ‘lightning bolts’ to describe something in your day. So much of an emotional connection is hinged to unique expressions that you might find yourself opening up more through subtle imagery than typical words.
- > Share images & videos of what’s happening in your life! If you like your alter ego on camera, if you’ve practiced silliness in the past, or even if you haven’t, consider sharing a quick video on your smart phone. It’s so rare to receive this type of communication that many people will be intrigued based on the differentiation alone. It also allows your living art to go beyond black and white texts which consume the majority of our communication these days. Dive into your “inner thespian” or that hidden Hollywood producer in you that lives in your imagination. We were all born with “Rebel DNA” but some of us toss it aside due to cultural wanna-be-cool critics. It makes for a good story for him or her to tell their friends about so go for it once in a while!
- > Exercise as often as you can to get a good dose of endorphins and to allow your body to use this new intensity to do all sorts of good. It will keep you level headed and more relaxed during your first few times together. It helps to remove nervous energy stored in the muscles. Yoga or running or walking fast will increase your heart rate much better than weight-lifting. By breathing deeply often during a workout, you are training yourself to bring more oxygen to the brain which helps ameliorate anxiety issues.
- > Review your ‘dating contract’ that you hold true to yourself. In our coaching program we would help you with this. Are those deal breakers really worth walking away from a potential partner? Does he or she have to be vegetarian, or into children? Spend a few moments reflecting before you go to bed and outdoors on the specifics. Rate your deal breakers on a scale of 1 to 10. Lay it all out in advance before you start to get overly attached to the physics of it all. Physical attraction is irresistible at times, but not once you hold yourself accountable to your higher principles. Think about your patterns in the past and try to mix it up. If you always play it safe early, put yourself out there more early to see what happens and vice versa. Getting hot and semi-heavy is great during the first week as long as you know that this person will call you forth to be your best self. There is rarely a reason to sleep with someone during the first week as you can get plenty frisky without going all the way to see if you are still compatible in the bedroom.
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