The first second is the 2nd most important time in a potential romantic sequence.
Why “The First Second” Matters…
- > People need complete safety upon meeting strangers. We were taught as kids to never talk to strangers and that can impact our subconscious a significant amount. If you aren’t creating safety right from the start, then you will likely be disqualified in a hurry, even if you had an enormous amount in common. This is why “empathetic relevance” is so vital to an opening with another.
- > Our super computer-like brains make decisions in milliseconds. The subconscious travels at light speed. That first impression is precisely where you will begin your next chapter. It’s much more powerful to start off at a high position of openness to engage with people of great emotional capacity. Overcoming your own moment of inertia is a key to magnetism.
- > Crossing paths is somewhat miraculous. If that first look or glance is heavenly, then it’s likely that you will take it further. If it’s off by just a few degrees, usually the person with the smaller comfort zone resists and you might never say hello. It kinda makes you wonder if some other force is at play that allows both of you to be in an amazing mood or comfort zone at that exact time. You can “own” your choice for being at your best improving the universe’s chances of conspiring in your favor!
- > People’s moods dictate their possibility for connection. Under certain circumstances, there’s a 5% chance or less that you will connect no matter how amazing you feel. If someone is coming from a place of anger, the primary way to overcome that position (according to Chinese medicine) is to open them to sadness or worry. That is a tricky one. You could reduce their anger by nudging them into Thought, but that direction of Thought could require extended patience and mastery. If a person is coming from a place of sadness, then the primary way to overcome that position (according to Chinese medicine) is to introduce a state of joy. That can be done! The other way to reduce sadness is to make them angry. I wouldn’t suggest that approach.
A Few Suggested Practices for “The First Second”…
- > BREATHE deeply before you approach anyone (hold your breath for at least 4 seconds and aim to release it at a slow pace to slow down your heart rate). Bring essential oils such as Valor from Young Living to remind you to breathe and to awaken your sensitivity to the elements in the room.
- > ANALYZE YOUR LOCATION and determine the most strategic setting to engage where another won’t feel rushed or uncomfortable based on the spacial environment.
- > PAY ATTENTION to her/his outfit and possible context in that specific moment (Is this person in a hurry or taking their time, does he/she need help and how can you offer a gift of yours given these circumstances)
- > PAY ATTENTION to her/his mood. Are they bouncing off the walls, melancholy, indifferent, or in their head? The more you can train your brain to become empathetic after you realize their state, the more you can adapt as you ask questions. Eventually, it would be masterful for you to adapt on the fly, without thinking about it. But this takes hundreds of encounters to become unconsciously competent.
- > Examine your outfit & PRECISE OVERALL APPEARANCE. Play off of that character. If you’re coming from the gym, acknowledge that this is a big part of your personal context and energy. If you’re coming from work in business casual, tell a story about how you are a sports agent or an FBI agent to lighten the mood. Don’t lie but pretend. The art of pretending is a long lost pastime used by children. You can always earn a smile if you snap back into your 5 year old self and it relaxes people!
- > Be sure to SMILE even if it’s not a full smile with brief eye contact. No extended stares. This will creep the other out because they will think you are physically enamored with them solely based on looks.