The First “Official” Date.


Why The First Date Matters…

  • > She or he said yes.  The two of you feel something is worth exploring.  Whatever you put into this first planned event is likely to set the stage as to your level of loving.  If you choose to meet for drinks, then it’s probable that you are wavering on the person or you’re playing it safe to reduce pressure.  If you are a man deciding on drinks without dinner, then you’ve elected to remove anything special about this first encounter.  It’s just drinks in her eyes.  That doesn’t mean you’ll miss out on more dates.  It’s just easy for a wounded person to see this ‘plan’ as average.  Restaurants with intimate lighting, clever decor, unique views, and friendly staff would be ideal.  On the other hand, if you go all out and make dinner, you send the message that you are ready for something serious soon.  If you sensed that he/she wasn’t the serious type, you might be playing your hand too strong, but not necessarily.  You could play off dinner at home as no big deal and talk about light and fluffy stuff without even a kiss and that will definitely keep the prospect guessing!  Finding the balance between your intention and your date is vital.  It will demonstrate that you can lead the relationship if it materializes.
  • > Your location WHERE YOU FIRST MET was vital.  This sets the tone.  You must take this into serious consideration to understand if you need to adjust the perception of who you are!  The other person could feel embarrassed about where you first met or perhaps it was slightly awkward.  Even if this was the case, the fact that you’ve gotten the date set up is a huge accomplishment!  Usually people will decide on whether to accept the invitation on the first date based on the thought process on how to connect further, under what context.  Way too many women report back that men always start too casual (just drinks) and this can be a deterrent to a more serious or wounded individual.  On the other hand, if you both reside in an adventurous part of your life, then less thought might actually be more in some cases to reduce “perceived” pressure.  This is why reading your audience and asking questions is so key over text, on the phone, and in person during the first in person, albeit “rushed” exchange.  If you’re in a more sophisticated position in life, and if you seek serious sustainable romance, then this is where you learn if your “match” is really a “match.”  It’s like a game of tennis.  Played on regular courts vs. clay vs. grass means a world of difference- the surface may suit one person’s strengths over another’s!  Intuitively we usually know this, but applying it is a different story! You don’t have to over-analyze the first date but if it goes amazing, then you will likely partner up more than 50% of the time according to our research!


A sample of our suggested practices for The First Date…

  • > LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.  As in business, the same applies in love.  If you want to create the space for a true connection, whether it slow paced or fast paced, the choice of your environment holds the most water.  If you can get clear on your desired outcome, even though you aren’t attached to it, this will help.  For instance, would you like to make out because you know you are sold, then ask yourself how far you want to go?  If it’s just a kiss, why not make it somewhere away from your living room where you’ve kissed too many others too many times!  Why not make this first experience one of a kind?  Take him or her to the beach or a unique destination that elevates the senses such as a firepit or a view or a memorable spot.  The more thought you put into it, the more the woman is likely to feel safe.
  • > Check your breath and pheromones. If you can, do everything possible to make sure that your body is peaking to more than just the eyes, you will stand a much better chance to connect romantically, right?  It doesn’t take rocket science to understand that if you didn’t brush your teeth, or put on some kind of scent, you will decrease your chances dramatically.  It works exponentially in your favor to add natural scents such as cinnamon, clove, peppermint, eucalyptus, pine, etc. to your body to take the person to another place, which is what love feels like any way!  If you can connect deeper with nature visually and emotionally via aromas, that’s setting you apart right there!  Avoid perfumes and colognes unless you insist, as they tend not to work as well as essential oils!
  • > In terms of preparing for conversation, the best thing to do is take the pressure out of the equation early on by talking about random events in life.  I mean unusual, insignificant, amusing, fluff.  The funnier or more whimsical, the better!  More than likely you will have at least 30-45 minutes with the person so build your momentum by showing who you are by your reactions to every day events in life.  Talk about the latest relationships in your world between friends- the juicier the better.  Women especially love to hear a man’s opinion on various topics within relationships to help them ascertain compatibility.  Make the decision easier for her by sharing your perspectives so she won’t have to ask.  For the women, attempt to lure him in to ask questions by being extraordinarily vague about everything.  No joke.  Don’t tell him one word answers to questions because that’s all he hears from the men in his life or co-workers, typically.  Enchant him with mystery and possibility.  Play both sides and confuse him for fun.  The goal isn’t to get married at the end of the date.  The goal is to see if you would like to see each other again with more romance involved!
  • > Challenge each other, softly and deliberately.  Pretend you are each putting together a puzzle of one another’s life.  If all of the pieces were in front of you in the exact order already, it would bore you to death.  The fun is in the challenge.  Tell some unusual things about yourself that might disqualify most prospects as a test.  Why wait to find out later if a man hates cats.  Challenge him to name your cat’s next litter.  By asking creative, open ended questions, you dissolve the awkward exchanges and you allow for one another to play.  But play as if it were poker.  Don’t bet all your money on one hand or go all in too early.  You will have plenty of time to see many hands in hopes of wagering your heart appropriately.  Learn to read your partner’s tells.  Look at their facial expressions and challenge them now and then.  Call them on their bluffing!  Often we exaggerate early to impress and if you call the other out on embellishing, it will earn you respect.

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