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The first 30 seconds is the 3rd most important time-frame in a potential romantic sequence.
Why “The First 30 Seconds” Matters…
- > If you opened the interaction, this is the time to explain why you are interacting through body language as well as word choice and direction of conversation. Most strangers fear opening up to a new person so it takes leadership & certainty to get to know someone easily with a romantic intention.
- > This is also a great opportunity to make an appropriate playful body touch on the hand or the shoulder or the arm to demonstrate that you aren’t beating around the bush about your attraction to the person. If you are interested, you gotta show it early without hesitation to make the other person feel safe, which may sound ironic, but it works!
- > If you asked a clever relevant question, then this can also be a time to LISTEN with precision. Based on analyzing and not over-analzying their responses to your initial question or observation, you now have valuable data to continue the conversation in the appropriate SPONTANEOUS direction. It is not about robotics. It is about getting ready to enter your flow.
A Few Suggested Practices for “The First 30 Seconds”…
- > Speak from a place of loud volume as you engage with your prospect. Give eye contact but again do not stare as if you are mesmerized, even if you are. This is too intense too early. Perhaps at the end of the exchange you can give one extended last look but not early on based on looks alone.
- > Initiate a form of appropriate touch on the arm, shoulder, or hand. The longer you wait to touch the other person, the more difficult it becomes. It also makes the person wonder if you do this all the time or if it’s them. When people begin to slowly “get” that you are coming on to them, that is the most attractive way to build momentum to a number close.
- > Listen ultra carefully to the person’s tone, body language, interest, specific comments, and word choice. Diction tells all. If the person uses big stuffy words, then you can assume that they reside primarily in an intellectual state by default, which means you must meet them there, before being able to cross into their heart. By familiarizing yourself with basic NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques, you can create safer interactions at first. Once you’ve passed through their initial natural defenses, you can begin to show your true colors. There’s no rush to share your style in the first 30 seconds. Odds are you will be doing more than 80% of the talking in the first 30 seconds due to a prospects typical short answers to your first question. But based on what they say dictates your course of action to keeping the exchange safest before you fully discover if this connection is truly divine.
- > Do not get too close but show that you are pursuing the other person. By standing slightly off to the side or diagonal from the other person, you reduce pressure significantly. Don’t be afraid to move slightly closer while you talk to show the person that you aren’t just asking them for the time of day. THIS IS AN ART. It can totally backfire if you do it too fast or too quickly. The first 30 seconds is the first opportunity to get closer. By now you’ve had a good look at each other and you’ve ascertained whether or not you are attracted on the surface. So if you slowly, casually step closer without leaning in, you will tell her subconscious that you might be after more than just a simple hello or answer.
- > Be certain of your reason for asking the question and provide a response as to WHY you are interacting. If you are asking a question about something random or declaring something unusual, be sure to have a good reason. Whether it’s that you need to help a friend, or just want a female/male perspective, or thought that he/she would know based on something they were wearing, YOU BETTER KNOW UPFRONT WHY YOU ARE ASKING. After you share WHY, immediately try to shift the entire conversation on to the other person to make them sweat the initial conversation. It isn’t easy for anyone to meet a new person because more than 50% of the time it isn’t going to work whatsoever. Unless you are approaching people every day or work in sales, odds are you will be flustered at least once or twice a day or a week depending on how many people you meet. By forcing the other person to take control of the talking, you can relax and gather information for your next share. It sounds ultra structured, I know, but this works and creates a beautiful balance between both of you being in your masculine and feminine, regardless of gender.