Married-How To Understand Her

How to Really Turn Me On…Lead Beside Me!

By:  Jessica


I know that we women send you messages all the time, one minute we want you to be the provider and the leader and the next we want you to be in touch with your feminine and spiritual side.  These aspects are not incompatible, but I can see where it can make a guy’s head spin.  So, here’s my two cents on what I think a modern, liberated woman wants from her partner today…an equal leader.


Let me give you a bit of background on myself.  I am the eldest child with a younger brother.  I was raised by two educated and driven people, who pushed me to fulfill my “greatest potential”.  I joke all the time that my dad raised me as the first boy he never had.  He instilled a sense of never needing anyone to get by; that I should learn to do whatever I wanted in life, gender aside.  This was a tremendous asset as I traveled the world, put myself through college and graduate school and picked myself up after a divorce at a young age.  I am a driven, motivated woman, always striving to better myself and make an impact on the world.  I spent my earlier years convinced that no man would ever lead me, but that we would co-lead and create our world together.

I have since softened this stance, recognizing that there is a time to lead and there is a time to be led.  As liberated and forward thinking as I am, I have to admit that I want a partner who is able to step forth and stand in his convictions.  I want a man who is willing to hear what I have to say, meld it with his perspective and be open to updating his beliefs when appropriate.  That he be true to himself and his perspective, recognizing that we don’t have to agree on all things all the time.  After all, the point here is not that we become carbon copies of one another, but that we are honest with what brings us joy and that we seek people that respect and uphold that.  I spent years melding and molding to what I thought others wanted of me, only to recognize that once outside of those relationships, that I went back to my original shape…and I like it that way.  That isn’t to say that I haven’t grown and adjusted, evolved and changed.  However, the core of me is really the same…I have simply learned to accept this more and altered some of my ways of handling life to bring me more bliss and less pain.

Where am I going with this?  Perhaps this is a roundabout way of saying that I believe most women want to be supported by their partners unconditionally to explore and become their greatest potential.  As her partner, you recognize that she can probably do most things you can do, whether it be changing a tire or balancing a checkbook.  When this driven kind of woman allows you to take the lead in these ways, she’s showing you that she is entrusting you to do the things that she would normally do for herself.  She still wants it to be known that she could still fend for herself any day and she’ll let you know that in no uncertain terms.  However, deep inside, she doesn’t want to have to play both the male and female roles all the time, it’s exhausting.  She wants a co-pilot to navigate rough skies with and someone that can take over the controls when she is tired.

What does this mean for you?  It means that she will still want to be consulted and aware of what’s going on in your finances and investments.  She will want to demonstrate her ability to take care of things independently.  She may want to lead sometimes and will be willing to relinquish it at other times.  Therefore, don’t take it personally when she expresses the desire to do these things…it doesn’t mean that you’re incompetent.  It is our way of making sure that we are involved in all aspects of the relationship, partially for protection (to make sure that we can still fend for ourselves) and in part to prove to ourselves that we can do it.  Remember, we want to feel the notion that beside every great man, stands a great woman.