By: Jessica and The First 10 Minutes Team
Ah it’s the curse of the Big Green Monster, and I’m not talking about Fenway Park. It’s that firey, sinking feeling that overcomes the entire body and can turn you into a rageful being you don’t even recognize. It has the capacity to destroy external relationships, but mostly wreaks havoc with your relationship to yourself. Neither sexy nor attractive, jealousy is a beast that you can learn to starve if you want it to fade into non-existence.
This track is intended to work hand in hand with our Dealing with Baggage material, for the crap you are toting from your last gig has the potential to corrupt the best of new relationships. NOW is the time to examine the feedback you’ve received, the botched balls you’ve dropped and the tendencies of yours that could be interfering with your success with women. I’m here to share my perspective on the matter and how women perceive jealous guys.
Let’s start with a general definition of jealousy. Webster’s defines it as:
1 a: intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulnessb: disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness
2: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage
3: vigilant in guarding a possession
Think for a moment of men in your life (or maybe characters in books, movies, etc.) who have displayed tremendous jealousy.
Would you consider them to be confident?
Do you perceive them as secure and assured guys?
Do they tend to have women that evoke their jealousy?
Of course I’m getting at the fact that men who display jealousy are (despite their bravado and puffed up chests) insecure and fearful of rivalry. So, one might say that those prone to jealous behavior perceive that they have something to defend or feel insecure in their ability to guard or retain their prized gem. I know, this might sting a little bit, so that’s why I had you choose someone outside of yourself. Now that we all know that it’s really you we’re talking about, try to put your defenses down for a bit. Identifying that you have jealous tendencies is the first step in overcoming it (we’re ALWAYS the last ones to know about our own crap). The first step is to identify where it comes from and seeing the faulty conditioning or learned behavior that you’ve perceived as real. We’ll then cover how jealousy shows up (including your tendency to choose women that intentionally attempt to create jealousy) and how it may be impacting your relationships (including family relationships, coworkers and friends).
Finally, we’ll delve into adaptive ways of slaying the beast that it is. As an added bonus, we’ll talk about how to deal with a jealous woman and how to cope with the baggage your special lady friend may be bringing with her.
So thank you on behalf of the ladies out there…your willingness to identify jealousy as a challenge for you means that you’re at least in part, open to dealing with what it brings up in you in a healthier and more supportive way. You don’t need to accept jealousy as a part of you; you can shift it into something much more pleasurable and fun.