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Single- Confidence

Section 3:  Weight Matters

By:  Jessica



Are looks that important?  Do women care about weight? You’re damn right we do…but not for the reasons you may think.         


Right about now, you’re thinking that I’m suggesting that looks are everything and if you’ve got it, you’re in and if you don’t then you’re assed out.   This assumption only scratches the surface and doesn’t get to the heart of the matter.  Let me make it simple:  we care about how you look and the confidence you exude when you’re taking care of yourself because it’s a sign of your sense of personal value. When you genuinely value yourself, you have passion and vitality.  This vitality will ensure that you’re around a lot longer.  If you’re around longer, then we get to enjoy your company, companionship and love much longer.  This taps into the primate nature of the female brain.  It appeals to my sense of security, because if you’re strong, healthy and full of vitality, then you’ll be a better provider for me and future offspring.  This is how we’ve survived as a species and plays a giant role in the man we choose.

Don’t freak out, it’s part of our hard wiring and we’ll go into more depth in our Primate Brain Track.  The skinny of it is that women are always sizing men up according to what kinds of providers and fathers they’ll be.  When women are partially incapacitated through the birthing process, it’s essential that she has a support system to care for her while she’s vulnerable.  Though many single women have found alternative ways around this in modern times through family, friends and hospitals, it’s in our nature to seek it from the Baby Daddy.   When we are assured that you’ll be around in the future, we feel safer.  When we feel safer, we are relaxed, easy going and overall much better company.  Suffice it to say that it comes back to bringing more joy and happiness to my life.

I am not saying that you need to spend 4 hours in the gym everyday and be obsessive about your looks (by the way, when that becomes your life, you’re not doing other things that balance you more and make you more attractive to us).  What I am saying is that by taking the time to take care of yourself in the form of a balanced diet and exercise, that you’re demonstrating that you value yourself and are willing to make the lifestyle choices that support your wellness.  When you are well, I am relaxed and not worried about your welfare.  When I am not stressed, I can put my energy into taking care of you in other ways, if you know what I mean.

On a bit of a side note:  one of the reasons why unkept, overweight disorganized and apathetic guys turn us off is because we know that this is a sign of a lack of personal confidence.  A guy who lacks confidence is challenged by a sense of low self worth.  The love of a woman can do wonders for assisting men to trust and believe in themselves more, but we don’t really want to play therapist (and you resent us when we do).  Believe me, I’ve tried and it doesn’t work.  This isn’t to say that you have to come to us all healed up and uber secure, it’s a call to make some progress.  Take this opportunity to work on yourself and come into a relationship with a bit less baggage, a little more self esteem and a lot more confidence that you have something genuinely valuable to offer.


Women are very forgiving when it comes to a little extra weight.  We are able to remain attracted to you, despite some extra acreage if we see that you’re still putting out the effort toward your overall health.  When you resign to the pudge and poor choices, we see that you’ve given up and are resting on your laurels that we will always be around.   Taking us for granted is a kiss of death.  When you stop caring, in some subconscious way, we stop caring a bit too.  This shows up in your The things that we do to that attract and satiate you (think consistently shaved legs) start to go by the wayside.  This is how many couples wind up in my office 10 years later, in their overweight, hairy, sexless, passionless marriages.  Each partner has a role here and it can start with either party, but the results are similar.

I had an experience similar to this in a previous relationship, except I didn’t mirror his apathy.   When we started out, he was a very active and athletic guy, and despite the fact that he carried a bit more weight than I would have preferred, I was attracted to his healthy lifestyle, not his waistline.  Fast forward 5 years to our then steady and consistent relationship, his sedentary, boring office job and an ever-expanding pant size.  He was in a passionless job and he settled into a mundane existence.  Instead of feeling invigorated at the end of the day, he was totally energetically spent and had nothing left over for self-care.  He was asleep shortly after dinner and I had no playmate.

Meanwhile, I was at the height of personal confidence, excitement about future and my appearance reflected this passion.  My actions supported the kinds of things that people who value themselves and their health do…they make the lifestyle choices that ensure vitality, energy and wellness.  My eventual lack of attraction didn’t come from the fact that I was grossed out by his extra pounds, it was that he lacked the energy to experience life together.  Couple this with the sense that he’d given up on himself and the initial attraction I had for him began to wane.  I saw a future similar to those awful sitcoms where the big guy lands the beautiful woman and they spend their lives mismatched and compromised.   Though our relationship didn’t last, thankfully, he eventually began to pay more attention to this as a newly single guy.  Hopefully, he’s now found a regimen that he can maintain and a life direction he’s excited about to reestablish his dedication and commitment to self-care.


You don’t have to lose the girl before you make some changes.  Begin by making a pledge to your health and your longevity.  If curls for the girls motivate you, I’m not here to say that this the wrong approach.   However, your physical health is something that will be with you regardless of whether you have a woman in your life.  Supporting your body will mean that it supports you to participate in life’s fulfilling activities.

Start with taking asking yourself the following questions:

1.    Decide what kind of workout excites you.  Don’t go to the gym if you can’t stand the thought of working out indoors.  Don’t spend the money on an expensive mountain bike if you’ll only go when the weather is perfect.  You’re setting yourself up for making excuses and fail before you even get the chance to start.  Instead, look at what kinds of activities motivate you the most and seek outlets in your area that fit within your schedule (2 major excuses many make) that you can commit to.

2.    Start off with reasonable goals.  Don’t commit to a 5 day per week regimen if you’re currently not working out at all.  Start with 2 days per week for the first 3 weeks and once you feel the benefits and confidence that comes from achieving this goal, you’ll be motivated to increase it gradually.

3.    Decide what your barriers are and eliminate them.  Ask yourself what are the excuses you tell yourself when it comes to exercise. Some common kinds are:  time, money or lack of motivation. Look for solutions instead of convincing yourself of all the reasons it’s impossible for you to work out.  If it’s lack of motivation you lack, seek a workout partner or look into joining a group so that your commitment to someone outside of yourself can keep you going when your own spark fades.

Like everything we’re offering, approach this from a fun-seeking perspective and you’re more likely to stick with it.  This is more about evaluating and revamping your lifestyle habits for long term gains and the woman part will take care of itself.  It’s pretty basic:  when you take care of yourself, you demonstrate self- respect and worth.  That’s the kind of man we are craving, begging and yearning for…take heed and it won’t take much to stand out from your competition.