Confidence is the strongest aphrodisiac I know. It’s strong, alluring fragrance glides into the room long before you enter and lingers long after you leave. It makes me stop drinking my martini mid-sip. It distracts my gaze mid-sentence in your direction. I notice you before you ever open your mouth or walk toward me. Your presence is known and you have my attention.
Confidence is a way of being in the world that demonstrates assuredness and comfort in the skin you’re in. Do not confuse this with egoism, which is a way that many falsely convey the self-esteem that they lack. Those who are acting from an egotistical place will exaggerate their importance, call attention to their accomplishments and find the need to seek praise because they’re not really sure of who and what they are. Do you think that Nolan Ryan had to tell people what a great pitcher he was? Do you think Steven Spielberg has to remind people of his achievements? Of course there’s no need for this attention seeking because when you’re good at what you do, your behavior speaks for itself.
Why Your Confidence is so Low…
There are so many reasons for this, I don’t have enough space to list them all. The jest of it is that you likely had some early experiences in life that gave you the sense that it wasn’t acceptable to be who and what you really are. This can come in the form of a parent who was super critical or abusive (by the way, this is a sign that they too suffered from a poor sense of self), an experience when you were rejected and humiliated or any other intensely painful situation that stuck with you. Like the thorn in your foot that you never pulled out to heal, you kept walking on it and came to accept it as “just the way that it is”. So, you hobble a bit, but make the most of it, thinking that this is who you really are. You come to expect the rejection, the lack of attention and the pain, it’s what you know.
I’m here to say that this is not you, it’s only a story that you’ve told yourself. With support, you can write a new script of your life and this time, the main character is charismatic, appealing and certain of himself. This involves getting yourself out of that sickly role you’ve been playing and decide that you are going to relate to yourself in a different way. The only reason others regard you so low is because that’s the way you carry yourself. You’re telling people through your treatment of yourself how you want to be treated by them. It’s a bit of a twist on the Golden Rule: Do onto yourself as you would have others do onto you. Once again, I go back to the image in the mirror and that it starts with you.
Why You Should Work on Improving Your Confidence…
I almost want to say “Duh!”, but in case it’s not so obvious, it’s because you can work from the outside in and it will only get you so far. What you say, how you dress and your body language are all extensions of how you feel on the inside about who you are. Trust me, we’re damn good at pointing out how you can improve upon these aspects of yourself and you will get more attention if you follow our suggestions. However, no designer jeans or impressive bank account balance will keep her around if you’re bankrupt in the confidence department.
One of the best things about boosting your confidence is that it is the antidote to some of your enemies like intimidation, disrespect and anxiety. These are the buzz killers of the party, bringing you down to a puddle of self-esteem-less jell-o. Hardly sexy and not even remotely appealing, these will kill your game every time. Luckily, they can’t be in the same presence as confidence and so developing this characteristic is your ace in the hole.
Here’s Where You Start…
By now, you’ve used the tools on this site to identify the areas that you excel in. You understand that you’re higher in some areas and lacking in others. Your first mistake (the kind many people want to instill within you) is that you have to be “perfect” on all fronts before you’re ready to date. First of all, you can do all the work on yourself in the world independently, only to find yourself in the dating world and that all of your insecurities, fears and skeletons come flying out. Ah, yes, nothing will bring more to the surface than intimacy and when you take chances to reveal who you really are. These are simply more growth opportunities and we’ll help you use them to your advantage.
What we’re here to say is that perfection simply doesn’t exist and you’re ready to date when you say you are. Not when your bank account reflects it, not when you drive the car of your dreams or when you have all of your shit together. Now, that doesn’t mean that you should end your quest to improve yourself in these areas for your own personal growth (by the way, if you’re doing any of this stuff just to get a woman, you’ll soon be found out as a fraud and you’ll be stuck with a life you loathe).
Let’s go to the area that you’re strongest in; let’s say it’s your career. Great…now, that doesn’t mean you should talk incessantly to your dating prospects about your job, who you work with, what a fabulous leader and manager you are. What it means is that you should use the things that you do well in this realm of your life and apply them to your dating experiences. Chances are if you’re successful in your career, you first had a VISION of what you wanted. You probably EDUCATED AND INFORMED yourself about the field, then you PRACTICED in order to get better, you took feedback from others in order to improve your skills, and by and by you felt more CONFIDENT as you got better and better, making you a valuable contributor, innovator or leader.
Are you getting it? This is about applying what works here to other areas of your life; you’re already experiencing a winning combination, now use it! Once you see that you already have the answers and that you already have the strengths, you’ll be oozing with confidence into other aspects of your life, making you a desired mate. Who got the women? Not the caveman that sat on the side watching his fellow barbarians hunt and bring back sustenance for the tribe….it was the leaders, the ones who took action, who demonstrated that they could win the prize. So, stop watching your buddies get what they want and apply what you already know.
In this program, we will cover many bases, from debunking of the myth that you have it harder than women to how women can measure confidence through looks and how you carry yourself. We’ll then move into some of the powerful tools (like humor, turning cockiness into genuine confidence, managing anxiety and using rejection in your favor). We’ll then finish with highlighting the importance of walking away from a situation that isn’t working for you as a testament to how confident and genuinely self assured you really are.