Single- Communication


Why Your Pickup Lines Will Never Work on Me

By:  Jessica


I can smell them a mile away…the calculated line that you’ve been scheming all night since the first time you saw me from across the way.  I can sense your nervousness as you attempt to get it out of your mouth without stumbling upon your words.  I can see your discomfort though your body language though you’re trying to play it cool.  I see your buddies from afar watching you approach me, waiting to see my response.  We can see through it all…not sexy.  Not attractive.  Not appealing.

It’s not that I mind that you’ve been attempting to come up with some witty way to approach me; in fact, I appreciate the thoughtfulness.  It’s not that what you’re saying is really all that wrong; it’s just not genuine.  More than anything, I want you to be real with me.  As it is, most women sense that men who approach us in a social setting have some ulterior motive.  We are more accustomed to men wanting to get in our pants than wanting to know us as human beings.  Don’t misread me here, we want sex too…we simply get there in a different way and we have different biological chemistry that drives our behavior (more of that to come in the Primitive Brain track).

The whole feeling-like-prey tendency is something that I’ll cover more in the Creating a Safe Environment and Primitive Brain courses, but suffice it to say that the differences in physical stature alone puts us in the position to be more alert and aware of our safety.  This automatically puts us on a bit of the defensive, that is, unless we are in the mood to just score ourselves (but in that type of case, she usually does all of the approaching).  What this means to you is that more often than not, when you approach us with some sexual innuendo or overtly offensive line, you will get shut down 99% of the time.  You never know the caliber of woman you’re dealing with and chances are that your line is going to offend, misrepresent or backfire on you.  Let me underscore how essential establishing safety is in getting her to relax and be open to spending more time with you.  If she senses danger, the game is over.  The antidote to this is sincerity, honesty and integrity.   And for those of you who think that you can use this material to disguise your ulterior motives, let me assure you that though you may increase your numbers, the caliber of woman who relents to this approach is going to cause you more misery than the 22 minutes of your lame sexual encounter.

Let me quickly address nervousness.  I recently surveyed my very successful, beautiful friends to ask about this topic and unanimously, they agreed that they would much rather have a guy appear slightly nervous (genuinely) than overly slick and polished.  When I asked why, they explained that a bit of this nervous anticipation was endearing as long as it didn’t come across as anxious, shifty or hyperactive.  The slick approach on the other hand made them feel as if they were another number…another warm body to try the latest canned and practiced cheesy ass line in hopes of scoring another notch on the bedpost.  This goes back to the notion that women want to feel adored, admired and unique.  This is not achieved through nailing your approach equation down to a science so that it lacks sincerity, heart and spontaneity.  Developing confidence in your uniqueness on the other hand, is sexy as hell.

What I’m not accustomed to is for a man to approach me in a sincere way.  My guy is not a typical beauty in most people’s eyes.  However, who he is and what he brings makes him the sexiest man I’ve ever been with.  He has a unique way about him; a manner of engaging people with his friendly nature and genuine style that put me at ease right away.  His 6’4” stature could be threatening and intrusive if he wasn’t so easy and gentle in his approach to women.  Instead of attempting to woo me with an over-the-top pseudo sexy line, he simply made his way toward me with a smile and explained that he’d seen me from afar and wanted to come introduce himself.  Oh, what a relief!  Finally, a man who understood that some canned line does nothing but turn me off.  Finally… a man who understood that his honest approach scored more points with me than some generic half baked attempt at wit.  This ties into the entire Unique Appealing Persona that we’ve been talking about and will continue to get you to hone.

We can see through your anxiety and insecurity, so spend that time getting more comfortable with yourself and you won’t have to over-think your approach…you’ll be able to be yourself which is your most attractive approach of all.


We’ll cover this in depth in the Creating Your Own Conversation Starters Course, but now that I hope that you get this point, it’s onto the next crucial part of conversation-