Approaching Women Course 1, Lesson 4: Unique Appealing Persona
By The First 10 Minutes Team
We talk about this concept throughout our program and have an entire course devoted to it and to helping you develop your own Unique Appealing Persona (UAP). It fits into this area of learning as it pertains to a belief that we must address to help you to be successful with women.
You see, most men have the misconception that it is all about saying the right things to women. It is about being smooth or having the right gimmick. The reality is that you can be fluid and relaxed in every situation you find yourself in; you do not need to have specific lines or questions to ask a woman to get her to talk to you.
You do not need those gimmicks if you are willing to stand out in a crowd. I am not talking about the obnoxious sort of standing out, like wearing outlandish costumes or items on your clothing to get people to ask you why you are wearing it. I am not talking about standing out in a crowd by performing like a trained seal and getting attention simply because you can. I am talking about standing out amongst other men as an individual that is unique, an individual that is bringing a whole package to the table and not just an act.
The issue is that most men are actually afraid to stand out; even when standing out is subtle. They are driven by the fear of what other people think to the point that they go out of their way to wear what everyone else is wearing, the same way that everyone else is wearing it; they talk and behave the way that everyone else is talking and behaving; they even go about approaching women and their relationships with women the same way as the other men around them for the sake of avoiding standing out.
Mindset change six: Don’t be afraid to stand out in a crowd
It is hard wired in that primitive brain of ours to fit in. It is a deeply set desire and survival mechanism for us to be accepted by our communities. This is why we live in cities and so very few of us are secluded from other people. Yet there is a difference between sticking out to the point of being ostracized and standing out enough to be recognized as valuable. It is funny, but people who like to dress outlandishly, with multi-colored hair and what is typically considered different from mainstream normalcy, are actually doing all they can to “fit in” with the group that they have decided is their society. They look different from maybe you and I, but when surrounded by their friends, they look the same as the others. To be unique amongst their group they may use a different color or slightly different hair style, but they still stay within the boundaries of their group. Funny isn’t it that the groups who are claiming to go against the grain are still struggling to stay within the accepted structure of their clan.
Back to the point, offering a unique appeal is not as difficult as it would seem. As we talked about earlier in this course, men automatically assume that to be unique we have to be better looking, have a better body, or have more money and material possessions than the next guy. In reality that is a very “guy” way of thinking and fortunately it is not necessarily the way a woman perceives uniqueness. Sociologists have conducted studies all over the world, some in specific regions, some multicultural and some worldwide, and the worldwide studies have proven some interesting facts. One such study conducted by Dr. David Buss that covered 37 cultures worldwide stated (paraphrased) that women of every single one of those cultures were more attracted to social status and resources than to looks. It goes on to cover other areas, but these weren’t just third world cultures, they were modern cultures as well. Now be clear, the definition of resources was not just limited to money. That being said, learning to stand out as an individual that can conduct himself within a social structure, an individual that has what we call a Social Market (this concept has a course of its own as well), and is ranked high as far as his Social Status is more appealing than that of a socially considered beautiful person. This makes perfect sense to us because if we were driven by a primal drive to survive, the fact that you as an individual are socially adept would lead to more resources and more opportunities would be available for the survival of the family.
Another interesting point is that amongst those studies as well, evolutionary psychologists discovered that physical attraction is more mathematics than art. Symmetry of facial structure and body proportions played a huge role in what was considered attractive to both sides of the equation. That is a tool for you to use, if you learn to dress in a manner that helps to create or emphasize your body proportions you are going to gain instant appeal over what you would consider your competition. (We have built a lesson for you to help with this as well, we also will work with you one on one if you choose to make it personal and really make a significant change).
There is incredible appeal to a man that is willing to learn to exercise particular behaviors that demonstrates his social adeptness or a man that is willing to stand by his beliefs and lifestyle even when faced with the possibility that his current group is not going to agree.
You see learning how to present yourself in a manner that reflects not only in your behaviors, but the way you carry yourself and feel about yourself is leveraging the hard wired instincts that the women you desire are influenced by whether they know it or not. In the world of animals, if you look act and present yourself like everyone else, mating is hit and miss.
It is the male of the species that stands out just enough that will get her attention. This male creates an opportunity for HER to claim a prize. The more he presents her with just enough of a challenge for her to recognize that by her having you she is not like all the other females you have encountered. It is this male that is wielding that Unique Appealing Persona we spoke about and it is this male that is preferred regardless of his physical appearance.
A quick side note and statement that will help you to understand your position even more. Women do not dress up and try to look sexy for men; they dress up and strut their stuff to PROVE to other WOMEN that they are the ones that should get the attention from the Unique Male that is presented whether they are already with him, or looking for him. How’s that for a change in thought process?
A little bit more on this from me…this simple fact is one that not even women fully understand. They perceive that they are showing off to get male attention, when they’re really demonstrating to their “competition” that they’re the Alpha Female. This is why women will shit talk about how the woman who gets the coveted man “isn’t even that pretty” and they can’t understand why she won the prize. What they don’t understand on a conscious level is that she exuded the confidence and self-assuredness that the others lacked. This put her ahead of the pack, not even because of her looks. Again, I look forward to a day when we can stop competing with one another and instead support one another for the unique talents and gifts we each bring with the understanding that because we don’t all want the same thing, there will always be enough to go around.
Work on the Better Deal components that you already feel you have strength in, take them to the next level, then work on some other areas that you feel you can use some growth. Be willing to stand out, even if that means that your guy friends will abuse you a bit for it. Obviously, if you continue to do what they do, you are not going to be unique in any way what so ever. It doesn’t have to be extreme, but you will enjoy the benefits and rewards both personally and as an added bonus professionally. In doing so you will develop your own version of a UAP that in some instances you may find yourself the object of a lovely ladies approach instead of the other way around.
OK on to covering some common mistakes.