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Approaching Women Course 1, Lesson 5: Common Mistakes
By The First 10 Minutes Team
Now that you have started to change your way of thinking from hoping and assuming to creating your own unique appeal and understanding that women are not some mystical or sardonic beings that have the soul purpose of making your life difficult, we can start to move towards recognizing and correcting some of the most common mistakes.
Again this is designed to help you to change your mindset and in doing so improve your confidence, your ability to interact with women and of course improve your success rate as you approach and interact with women.
These common mistakes are in no particular order and this is not a complete list. Unfortunately, for us to compile a complete list it would appear that guys do nothing right, and we all know that isn’t true.
Mistakes:
1. Being more worried if she likes you than if you like anything more about her than her looks.
A. We have discussed this already several times; this is common when the only focus is looks. Looks are important and of course you want to be with attractive women but you are digging yourself a hole when she is the prize and your primary concern is whether or not she likes you.
2. Approaching the woman you’re interested in and hoping she doesn’t say, “NO.”
A. Most guys know that if you approach a dog that is uneasy and show fear that the dog is going to get even more uncomfortable, you are improving the chances that the dog is going to react. Not that women are comparable to dogs, but they have that primitive sense we talked about earlier. Approaching her with the attitude of hoping she doesn’t say “no” or embarrass you, or reject you, or any variation along those lines is going to fire up the sub conscious sensory system of hers and she is going to want to understand why she is uncomfortable. Most likely her reaction will be to remove the uncomfortable element as soon as possible or avoid it in the future. Have you ever had a female friend of yours tell you, “He’s cute, but there is something about him that I am not sure about?” That is what it is.
B. This is another reason why the “jerks” seem to get the girl. When they approach they approach with their intentions on their sleeve, and even if she doesn’t like most of the picture at least she knows where she stands. That primitive drive steps in and voila, she is interested.
C. Ironically, the guys suffering from Nice-guy-itis are the ones that send the mixed messages and create the uncertainty. Their own self-doubt and need to NOT get rejected instead of playing to get the girl is their own demise. There is a ton more information on this in the Nice-guy-itis and Shy-guy-itis courses.
3. Taking shortcuts.
A. instead of doing the leg work that we talk about, guys will take only small portions and put those fractions to the test. If they don’t execute those fractions perfectly then we are held to blame for a faulty system.
B. Our system is not designed for “hit it and quit it,” just as we have told you from the very beginning. Our goal is to guide you with the intention of creating a UAP and give you the tools and resources to have the relationship you want with the woman you desire most. If you are willing to look at yourself in the mirror, our system will help you to approach the girl. Now, without learning how to follow through, you will struggle to keep the girl…and that is our mission: keep the girl you choose.
C. With a system designed with the end result in mind, not the plays, it is imperative that you put in place the foundation necessary. Besides, what do you think is going to happen to your confidence if you know without a shadow of a doubt that when she chooses to spend time with you, you are going to be able to provide her with the experience she and her girlfriends have been talking about all of her life?
4. Men think that if they do all we tell them that they should never experience rejection.
A. Well, I don’t care who you are, what kind of a persona you have created, or how much money you have; the Better Deal is a testament to the fact that regardless of any other facts, if she believes that the deal she has is better than the deal you are presenting she is not going to be interested. That could actually have nothing to do with you. It most likely has everything to do with her perception, her past experiences, and maybe even her own list as we have talked about for you.
Sidenote: An odd but true story! I have a friend who had her heart broken into several hundred pieces by a guy who had beautiful blue eyes. It was the first thing that attracted her to him and they were the focus for her to a fault because they allowed her to ignore all of the other OBVIOUS warning signs, but that is beside the point. Last I talked to her it still holds true that if you have blue eyes she is not interested….period. Is that your fault if you have blue eyes? NO, but if you do then you have no shot with this girl.
B. We talk about the Better Deal and creating a Unique Appealing Persona, but even if you are showered with compliments and know that you have a significant portion of the Better Deal components dialed in and that any woman would be ecstatic to have someone like you in her life, if the one or two items of the Better Deal components that you are weak in are the one or two components that she MUST have in her life then you are not going to be appealing to her. I spoke to a friend of mine on the phone today who asked me a pointed question about this very topic. She wanted to know what her “friend” should do because her “friend” (of course I knew it was her) was vexed because she met this guy and when they met he did not confess to not wanting children (Desire for Family/Family Values) and now that they are living together she wants to move forward and he is not willing. I sadly advised that the relationship is not likely to survive, because what she failed to tell him up front is that she would rather die than to not have children. If he doesn’t bend they are doomed as a couple. You think he is better off in his situation or do you think he would have been better off confessing and potentially not getting the girl?
5. Men think that it is more important to get a girl than to get the right girl.
A. Primitive drive at its finest. We are genetically wired to want to spread our seed and this drive stays with us until the day we die. Yes it diminishes with age, but there is a reason we hear about the 80 and 90 year old male fathers. (side note: this statement does not mean that we are genetically driven to spread our seed in different gardens; that is personal drive and choice.)
That being said men tend to make the mistake of making exceptions of their own belief systems to get the girl; sometimes even to our detriment. The story above is a great example, because there is no doubt in my mind that my friend’s desire to have children has shown up on more than one occasion and her boyfriend chose to ignore her need; I think today when his life is a living hell, he will want to rethink his decision. You? Unfortunately, I am also certain that he does not blame himself for the scenario, I am sure that he blames her for “changing the deal.”
B. Sacrificing your own desires, lifestyle, or even financial security for a woman is all too common; it is stemmed from the misconceived belief that there is not a girl out there better than this one. The real story is that the guy is afraid that he will not find a girl that likes him that is as attractive as this one. He is obviously not a client of ours.
Sidenote: Please do not misread what we are stating with this common mistake. The point is to not compromise yourself because you think she is good looking, or cool, or even that she is paying attention to you; our statement has nothing to do with abandoning a relationship because it isn’t going perfectly.
6. Men expect everything to happen RIGHT NOW.
A. Part of the reason that other groups that claim to help men with women are so financially successful is that they present the solution as an EASY and QUICK fix. They state simply, “Do what we say to do and you will have women in your life starting tonight.” You know what? They are right. You potentially will and when you read the next course on styles of approach here in the site the same will be true. But that, as we said earlier, is trying to put a band aid on an open artery; yeah, it will slow the bleeding and you will get an instant relief, but you are heading for a world of hurt. In this scenario you may get the phone numbers, you may even get the first date and a couple wild nights, but what will you do 6 months down the road?
B. Another significant issue that comes up in this mistake is that you believe that you should never make a mistake once you have learned what to do. Here is a vote of confidence….YOU ARE GOING TO SCREW UP! There we said it.
7. Men believe that women are not nervous or worried about what men think.
A. I think we have enough data proving this a myth.
8. Men don’t prepare themselves to meet women.
A. We have some basic rules we need to live by as single men. The number one rule is to never leave your house for any reason without being ready to meet women. That means groomed, dressed, and most important MENTALLY ready.
B. The second of these rules is to have your tools ready to go as well: your house tidy, your car tidy, and anything else that helps you to feel confident and prepared.
9. Men do not do the work necessary to create a powerful Social Market.
A. We have built several learning courses all designed to approach women in various situations and all the while I am writing them I know that it is information that you are going to use mostly to change your mindset and very little beyond that, because once you build your Social Market and learn to master that environment you will be surrounded by people who are going to help you to enjoy the company of beautiful women at all levels of relationships. The issue is that it does take a little effort and you may have to sacrifice a couple of nights of sitting on the couch and watching reruns or you favorite series, but if you want women in your life you are going to have to do something different from the way you did it in the past…agreed? Learn more about this in the course dedicated to Social Market.
10. Men surround themselves with their old friends.
A. We are by no means suggesting you dump your buds, I have had my best friends for 25 and 13 years respectively. What we are saying is that if they are unwilling to join you, if they are unwilling to take a membership on this site and build their own Social Markets and Unique Appealing Personas, they are going to slow you down. They are not going to be an asset to your success approaching, getting, and keeping the women you desire.
B. Men tend to hold on to the bonds of people that are constantly reminding him of who he used to be. We talked about this, but it is worth mentioning. You are not that guy any longer and you need to make it clear to them if you are to keep them in your life that they must accept who you are NOW, not who you have always been
C. Men are sometimes unwilling to create new bonds. When you are building a Social Market and your Social Status improves because of it, you are going to be presented with choices. Be open to the possibility that the deal you will have with the new people you meet may just be better than the deal you currently have. You do not need to abandon or flush your old buds, you may just not always include them in your new world.
D. Make no mistake; you are the sum of the people you hang out with. People will make snap judgments about you based on the behaviors and appearance of the people you are associated with. If given the choice wouldn’t you prefer to have your buddies be an asset and an appeal to your Unique Appealing Persona over a reason for the primitive brain of women to start throwing up road blocks? If you want to keep them in your life, get them a membership in this site and start working together as a united front instead of hindering each other! This is true even if your friends are married! (the other side of the site is devoted to married and long term relationship guys)
Alright we have covered ten of the most common mistakes guys make in mindset and approaching women. Funny how most of the mistakes have nothing to do with women isn’t it? We promise that by the time you are done with your work in this site you are going to need our electronic assistant to help you to keep the women in your life straight and to help you to continue to show up as a superstar throughout your relationship, whether you choose that to be short term or for the rest of your life!
On to the next lesson and overcoming your fears
